"You don't hear guys going to a club saying to one another; 'Screw chicks tonight bro, I gotta dance!' "
     -Dane Cook

Do we really need another dance movie? I understand there are real underground dance competitions and I'm sure they're very good at what they do. But seriously, a dance movie coming out on Valentine's day? You know the only guys going are likely gays. Even gay dancers probably have more respect than that.

Here's a nice piece of shit. . .

How about that tag line: "It's not where you're from, it's where you're at?" What the fuck does that even mean? It was just as shitty when it was called "Breakin" oh wait, when it was called "Footloose" or "Dirty Dancing" or "Save The Last Dance" "Save The Last Dance 2" or "Step Up" I heard a comment from someone while I was subjected to this shit a second time before Cloverfield started. This jackass said something lame like; "It's this generation looking for that good dance movie of their era. For ours, it was Footloose."  WHAT? I remember footloose being pretty shitty for it's time too pal. If I lived in a comic book, I would have unbolted my theatre chair and bashed the guys head in when I heard that.

I guarantee you; the acting: shit, the direction: shit, the music: shit, chance of gaining any awards: shit. "yo bro, don't knock it, there's a chick dancing in rain and she looks HOT!"OK 'bro' if I wanted to see tits, or nudity, or even half-nudity, I don't need a shitty movie, I would check the 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 sites dedicated to it on the internet. (FOR FREE by the way) go to google and type in "tits" that's it. hit enter.  I just saved you the price of admission. You're welcome.

The only dancing I want to see is on my Chinese take out box between the chicken and the dragon. The dancing mystically keeps my chicken fried rice from tasting like shit.

Now that's what I call dancing!

The idea of alien implants is kind of dumb to me. It was pretty cool when Scully had one on the X-files and when they removed it she suddenly started getting cancer, when the re-implanted it, suddenly the cancer was gone, but nothing that cool ever happens in real life.

I read a book about them debunking them as things normally found in the human body. Proponents insist that it happens and that they're placed in inconspicuous places to either track the human, or insert lame reason here. . . most are found in the feet, hands, ears, and mouth. HMMMM
Feet: you stepped on something you idiot
Hands: You got a splinter of something you idiot
Ears: (see Hands)
Mouth: you ate something you idiot

I searched the web for pictures of alien implants and all I got was low rez images of pieces of wire with blood on them or microscopic pictures of metal splinters on poorly constructed websites. Have you ever changed a broken brake on a car before? have you seen a metal splinter? yea. . .that's what it looks like. I was half hoping to find triangular pieces of some unknown metal and strange markings, or pieces of magnetic material that emitted a radio or other-worldly frequency. . .no luck.

is it just me, or could this be a piece of a guitar string. it even looks like it was cut with a set of pliers.

These people insist that the material sometimes found is organic. The fibers on most automotive parts is organic. (again, brake pads are mostly organic) they claim to find pieces in their ears. there aren't many nerve endings in your ears so if you happened to roll over a splinter while in bed, or oh, I don't know putting a shirt on, and something that small got into your ear, you might not even feel it. as for the mouth, do you know how many particles of metal, plastic, fiber, rat feces, can find their way into your food? a piece of that gets stuck in your teeth and makes your mouth bleed. You remove it and notice it's a tiny piece of metal. Alien implant? doubt it. Just stop buying burritos from that street cart that stops by your work everyday. (it might be a tiny piece of tin-foil for all you know)

Conveniently they also say that sometimes after removing the implants, they "melt" or disintegrate. I know it's gross, but is it possible that it's a hardened calcium deposit that will dissipate when introduced into liquid? (their supposed method of "Preserving it by putting it in conditions similar to the human body") or maybe it's a buildup of the shit you eat in between your teeth? Check out this article where they got SOME strange readings, but it wound up being something easily explained.

I want to believe in extraterrestrial life, I really do, but because of the true nut jobs and fakers out there, it's harder than ever to sift through what is science and what is hokey.

I didn't say William Shatner, I said Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Seriously how cool would that be? The ship is cool, you've got a samurai at the helm, that alone should garner some kind of respect.

 
To boldy get the hell out!

You know what else is cool about Kirk? He gets to meet a ton of alien races and woo their women. Granted he got kind of soggy around the midsection lately, but back in the day of the original series he was the shit and according to aliens that would capture the crew, he was THE specimen for human men in the galaxy. Seriously if you've ever seen "The Gamesters of Triskellion" he kisses the green haired lady and says it was "helping." Her response? "Help me again!"

"Helping" thousands around the galaxy

I've been watching the original series lately and there's this look he had that I forgot about and apparently so did William Shatner. Either that or the old version of him can't do it anymore. He would get this look on his face like "oh is that so?" not quite furrowed, and maybe not pissed off, but not happy at all. He would then proceed to tell you what your problem is. There are times in the show where there isn't anything going on and he has that look on his face. I would kill to be able to have that look!

Here's how it's going to be. . .

Again, I say, I would like to be Kirk, not Shatner. Kirk is unaware how cheesey and over dramatic he can be but if he has the above look on his face, he doesn't give a shit either. He's got a support staff that with advisement from Spock and McCoy will literally do anything he tells them to. (even if Uhura says "I'm frightened") Seriously, it's the look and the air of sheer confidence oozing out of his pores. Check out this site that a woman did, insisting that Kirk isn't a womanizer.

Directed towards those men and women who insist they're in a good relationship but refuse to remove the blindfold to see that their ship is sinking. . .

BAAAAAAAD relationship. . .

I have the misfortune to sit in an area that has 1 person (only 1 out of 12) who has MASSIVE drama issues in her life. I've never spoken to the girl but just based on the yelling in phone conversations and the whiney voice I get to hear every afternoon around 3, I feel like I know everything about her;

1.She's in her late 40's early 50's (guys that sit around her say she's a MILF, I say she's a hag with the body of a 10 year old boy; no shape)
2.She has 4 kids. at least 1 is in high school, the other three range from 6 years old to 13. (I think one is from a different daddy.)
3.She's in the middle of a messy divorce, her soon-to-be ex husband is probably one of the weakest non-confrontational bastards I've ever heard (yes, heard. she used speakerphone once) he insists on only speaking to her on the phone.
4.She's one of the most emotionally needy people I've heard. (actual comment: "I've never been alone, I've always needed someone living in the house ever since I have had kids")

OK, that's enough about her. The point:
I've had serious conversations with these types of people. I call them "maybe when" people. It's fine while they're dating because there's no attachment yet, and either can walk away at any time. HOWEVER that's not how they view it. In the conversation I had with one of these people: "I don't know what I would do if I was alone, I need someone to be there even if it's just to tell them what to do for/with me" So they go down the path to inevitable ruin;
1.He/She doesn't take me seriously
2.I love her/him but he/she doesn't love me the same way
3.I can't stand being alone with myself I need to settle for this person
SO. . .
Maybe when we move in together it'll get better
(then it snowballs from there:)
Maybe when we start having sex it'll get better
Maybe when I convert to their religion/they convert to my religion it'll get better
(the next two can go in any order when you start whoring)
Maybe when we get married it'll get better
Maybe when we have a kid it'll get better
Maybe when I get a new job and different hours it'll get better
Maybe when we get our house it'll get better
(and then the cycle repeats:)
Maybe when we move to another (house,state,country,planet, it doesn't matter) it'll get better
Maybe when we have our (2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc) kid, it'll get better
Maybe when we have a (Boy/Girl) it'll get better

Before you know it, you have 3-4 kids, a house, and share a bed with someone you finally realize you don't care about or they don't care about you. It's at that point you either decide to divorce/separate or even worse: wait it out till you die.

At this same point you then start burdening your friends, co-workers, rec league teammates, pretty much anyone/everyone you know about the problems you're having.
MAYBE you pay a psychiatrist too much money just for them to tell you that you, they, or both have too many psychological issues to make it work. Marriage counseling is a big rip off too. It just delays the inevitable. The only way counseling or psychiatrists will work is if both people are willing to make DRASTIC changes to their personality. Guaranteed: either one or both of you is unwilling or too arrogant to do that. Besides that point, what if you like who you are and don't need to change? Separation may be the answer.
ALL of this, and I mean ALL OF IT can be avoided if you use "dating" for what it was intended for: Getting to know each other. If you're in a dating relationship (and I'm talking about DATING, not WHORING. That's right, you can't call it dating if the first thing you want to do is screw each other’s brains out.) then you'll know if your future is with this person.

"But what if he/she is cute, and I'm homely looking?" The very next question you should ask yourself is; is it worth the aggravation? am I going to wake up someday and realize I'm stuck, I feel stuck, and taking a .45 to the head sounds pleasant?

If you can't stand to be alone with yourself, how dare you expect someone else to want to be with you. Maybe you should fix your own issues before you invite someone to take your load on their shoulders.

The reverse is true too: Don't take on someone else's baggage hoping that by sharing the burden they'll change. I promise you that load of baggage will only get bigger, and you will find yourself crushed under it eventually.

"I have problems expressing myself. it's hard to say what I'm feeling"
There's nothing wrong with that, but you better not get into a relationship thinking that by "hiding a few things here and there" from the other person is going to be ok in the long-term. (and I'm not even talking about marriage.)

Bottom line: If you're single, and can't stand being single, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. Take a year, maybe 2 or even more; Get a hobby, maybe hang out with other single friends, join a rec league (hockey, baseball, football, tennis, etc.) turn down people who ask you out. SPECIFICALLY to see if you can. if you can't: YOU STILL HAVE A PROBLEM. You should be able/prepared to live your life alone. If that's impossible: YOU STILL HAVE A PROBLEM. Enjoy life with friends, family, etc. you don't need someone else to justify or define your existence. If people don't find you attractive, that's their problem. Be secure and confident enough to respect yourself. If you can't respect yourself, Dammit I'll say it again; HOW DARE you expect someone else to respect you.

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Bliss.

The only fee I charge for this information is the time it takes to read it. . .and thanks for that. if it wasn't for the internet, I'd take friday afternoons and say this stuff on a crate with a bullhorn. (I'd probably wear a tuxedo with a top hat and cane too.) "hear ye, hear ye!"

If you disagree that's your funeral, but quit bitching about it while I'm trying to work, or while I'm getting ready to play hockey. It drives me and everyone else up the fricken wall!

In case you missed it, NBC has ressurrected one of the only relality shows worth watching, The show that was ahead of it's time: American Gladiators.

Hell yeah!!!

I remember the ladies on the old show were wily and "kind of" cute, but not VERY hot. (I remember there were a couple of the blondes that looked like dudes) and they haven't broken much with tradition this time. I swear the lady they dubbed as "Fury" looks like one of the Grammatica brothers (the dunce feild goal kickers in the NFL)
However, as the show progressed and you got to meet each Gladiator, a couple caught my eye; Siren and Crush. I decided early that Crush is probably the most gorgeous athlete I've ever seen. she's muscular, you can't mistake that, but she is unmistakably a woman. Sure it could be the corset she wears, or the way her hair is cut (total anime-style!) or maybe it's the thing I have for the dark haired women. Even her real name is hot: Gina Carano. Siren is cute, but her hair bugs me and she is possibly TOO muscular. Crush it is then!

I have a crush. . .

I saw a few signs in the audience that were swooning for Helga. . . I guess she's got big tah-tah's but to be honest, she looks sort of. . .fat. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind getting my ass kicked by Crush.
Monday nights are the normal time slot for American Gladiators and yes they are showing it again tonight. Check out the gallery for Crush on NBC.com: http://www.nbc.com/American_Gladiators/photos/#cat=645