Question: How much more can you prove your ghetto-worthiness than to show up at family Christmas dinner wearing a XXL airbrushed, glitter encrusted t-shirt of 2Pac?

Keeping it real. . .stupid.

I'm sure it was a Christmas gift from someone equally ghetto but do you have to wear it to a gathering where every other guy is going to be wearing sweaters, dress shirts and probably slacks? Or at least something dress casual? Can you imagine having a conversation with the fool?
"So, where are you working these days? Oh, still stocking shelves and/or making food at Taco Bell? No school? So. . .you dress like this all the time huh?"

I guess if it got confrontational he would claim he's "keeping it real" but what does that even mean? Always threatening "I'll kick your ass?" Having a police record? Getting naive little girls pregnant? talking rap slang everywhere? I'm not saying you have to buy a whole new wardrobe and it's your business how you want to dress in private or even hanging out with your friends, but unless they dress and talk the same, how serious do you think your family, co-workers, potential employers, are going to take you when you show up dressed and talking like a "Fitty cent" roadie?

Not even your so-called rap stars keep it real. They move out of "the hood" into huge mansions in neighborhoods that have almost a 0% crime rate (that is until they move in, get drunk, get high, beat their wife, kids, neighbors, other rap stars and always threaten "I'll kick your ass") Sure they might claim that they're headed back to the hood, but at this point it's like visiting a foreign country; they won't go without their "Peeps," security, and a healthy set of photography staff. Maybe they need inspiration to write new swill because their last album about raping women in their mansions and playing "street ball" didn't do well enough for them to get another escalade with gold spinner rims. I guarantee you it's not "going back to the hood" to stay for very long. (oh yea, and when they call it "rape" they mean having consensual sex with their roadies, or women who want to be able to say "I had sex with that famous person")

Local stockers union 5143's finest: tailgating before the fitty cent show.

The people who work at Gamestop and EB Games are assholes. I'm convinced it's in their job description.

I go to video game stores maybe once or twice in the span of a whole year. EVERY damn time I go, I get retarded snide comments from the clerk about how my game selection is sub-par or something that makes me want to reach across the counter and strangle the bastard.

I was buying a down-level version of a game, for argument's sake we'll call it Resident Evil 2. It’s not, but we'll call it that for argument's sake. It was an early PS2 game anyway. So I bring it to the register and I expect the usual. The guy looks at the game and frowns and says, "you know they're coming out with Resident Evil 6 in like a week right?" I look at the guy and read his name on the cheap piece of plastic pinned to his shirt. "OK steve" is all I say. He says "OK man, I just wanted to save you the aggravation of playing something so old when something better is coming out really soon." Of course he's saying all this with an air of "I've forgotten more about video games than you'll ever know in your lifetime" I kid you not, we go back and forth like this for 2 minutes. He has yet to even touch the register. It got so bad and I was getting so aggravated, I literally had to say, "I don't care Steve, can you please just sell me this game!?" He finally rings up the game and I pay for it.

I wonder if they get health benefits or a 401k, oh wait its GAMESTOP!

Another thing I've come to expect is them trying to sell me a membership to some gaming magazine which will get me discounts on games that I buy there. I always answer with my same routine: "I only come in these stores maybe twice a year, so no thanks" He comes back with some BS logic like: well if you buy a game once a month you wind up saving $60 in a year. I respond "wow is that including the $15 I have to spend for the stupid subscription, and the fact that you only "discount" me $2 for the $20 games and $5 for the $60 games?" His superior smirk disappears from his face as he hands me my game and says "have a nice day"

Future GameStop/EB Games asshole employees

This year's trip I was looking for one of my favorite games: "Katamari Damacy" to give as a gift to my niece and nephew. I've already purchased it myself and given it as a gift to my girlfriend too. (Seriously it's a really fun game!) so I've purchased it twice already HERE IN GREELEY. Much as I hate to say it, it winds up being cheaper at GameStop or EB Games than if I bought it online.

The Shit!

I was in the neighborhood and on my way back from work, so I went to the EB Games in Greeley in the same area as Circuit City. I looked for a little bit and didn't find it. the guy working at the time seemed genuinely polite when he asked me "is there a game I can help you find?" I decided to give him a chance and asked if he knew if they had any copies of Katamari Damacy. Suddenly the guy changed to an asshole. NO KIDDING right in front of me! He says "Oh THAT game. . . it's a rare one, you probably won't find any copies around here, my best advice to you is to buy it on the internet." I decided to test his so-called knowledge and asked "so you don't think GameStop will have it either?" he scoffs and says "GameStop will have an even less selection than we do." OH! and one of the last things he tells me is that I should expect to pay $50 for it even used. "for Katamari Damacy?" I said. "Are you sure?" He scoffs again "I'm positive."

So I decide to go across Highway 34 to the GameStop that's in the same shopping area as Target since that's where I bought the two previous copies. What do you know? they have THREE copies of the game and they're all marked for $14.99 each. I guess when the loser at EB Games says "around here" that means the area around and surrounding the store. But not ACROSS THE F***ING STREET!
I had to laugh as I was leaving GameStop. I notice that the receipt paper has a watermark on it. What do you think it shows? GameStop and EB Games logos! Are you telling me their inventory isn't somehow cross-referenced with each other?! We have no choice but to rely on the "infinite video game knowledge" of the douche bag "workin' the register?"

Killing me softly with his mad "fat" corporate knowledge.

So last night I'm about to do some laundry when I realize I'm out of dryer sheets and running dangerously low on Tide. I look around and notice there are a few other things I should get.

As I'm driving to the supermarket, I start to consider that it's Sunday night: The chances of there being college kids at the store is pretty high. I also consider that the chances of STUPID college kids being there is almost a certainty. I shrug and go anyway. I only need a few things so I should be in-and-out.

As I walk into the store, sure enough there's a group of 4 guys running through the aisles yelling about some dumb ass thing. Oh well, I knew it. . .

I grab a cart and start powering through the store, fast, but not discourteous. Milk, detergent, dryer sheets, ah hell, might as well get some beef jerky. I head into the cereal aisle and I can't decide between 2 cereals. So I stop for a little bit and look. Suddenly I hear some girl ask a question (indistinct) and I realize she's talking to me. In a friendly tone I say; "Excuse me?" She already looks like she's got a stick up her ass as she repeats her question; "Are you following me?" You know how sometimes you can laugh and talk at the same time? I laughed and answered "No." Flashback to one of my previous blogs about the bitch at New West Fest who thought I was checking her out. SAME THING: she does this sniffing noise and storms off.

Once again ladies, just because a guy happens to be in the same aisle as you does not mean he's "checking you out" or going to do something disgusting to you or at you. Especially if you look like supermarket bitch did; she was wearing shorts, and a tank top. She looked like she just got out of bed or something and then to top it off she was skinny. I'm not talking slim, or slender, I'm talking Skeletal.

Bitch.

If you want to look that way, that's fine, just don't expect me to swoon when you walk by. (not to mention that I'm in a relationship and even if I wasn't, I don't go to the supermarket to pick up women, I go there to pick up beef jerky) It's that kind of skinny that makes you want to throw up. That kind of skinny where you can tell her forearm has 2 bones in it not because you know your 5th grade anatomy, but because you can SEE both of them. *hurl* and she thinks I'm stalking her. . . well if she's that skinny she might have mental issues. I felt like telling her "Get over yourself Jack Skellington!" But I was afraid it was going to turn out like a scene from "Jason and the Argonauts"

Skeletons about to get their s**t ruined.

An open letter to all super market shoppers: addressed to all races, creeds, cultures, the rich, and the poor; QUIT BEING SO DAMN LAZY!!!

Every time, and I mean EVERY time I go to the grocery store, I see shopping carts in parking spaces, smashed up against cars, rolling down the parking lot towards the street.

AND WHY? because you're too f**king lazy to walk the cart 50 damn yards to either the 'cart corral' or back to the store entrance.

Quit being so damn lazy!!

Excuses:

• I'm in a hurry because (insert lame reason here, it winds up sounding like "Blah, blah, blah, blah," anyway and is never valid)
• I have a medical condition that prevents me. (real smart a-hole, you gathered up the strength to push the cart full of your fat-ass food not only around the store and into the checkout line, but to your car as well, suddenly paralysis sets in and you can't walk half the distance to PUT THE CART AWAY?)
• They have people that work here to do that. (no dumb-ass, their job was not intended to chase down errant shopping carts; it's turned into that, but the intent was to have them clear out the cart corrals and bring SEVERAL back to the store entrance AT THE SAME TIME.)
• There's a few out in front of my parking spot already, one more isn't going to make a difference. (It will if all your fellow lazy bastards do the same thing, and YES, they all have the same idea.)

Just admit it, the reason you do it is because: "I'm a lazy bastard who has no shame when it comes to putting things in their place. I have no problem telling my kids or co-workers/employees to put things away, but I'm an adult, putting shopping carts away in an orderly manner is beneath me." Well Jack-hole, it's above you because as far as I'm concerned, you're just below swine. (and bacon is yummy)

Ranks higher than most super market shoppers

I hate Anaheim.

I would have rather seen LA or San Jose win the cup (in that order by the way) for California than the fricken mighty 'sucks' of Anaheim.

Mickey Mouse + Retarded +$$ = Anaheim

Oh well, at least we can stop hearing their players bitch about not winning the cup:

• Rob Niedermayer - bitch about his brother always winning the cup (but now he might bitch that Scott has won it more)
• Teemu Selanne - bitch about moving to a team that can win the cup. only gave the Avs one year and even in that year he sucked ass because he couldn't stand the pressure from the fans. Thanks for the memories you pussy!

"I love Anaheim! They don't expect me to score like in Colorado or San Jose!"

• J.S. Giguere - bitch about winning the Conn Smythe but not the cup. For the next 3 years he sucked and barely got his shit together this year. (seriously, the year after his team got beat in the cup finals he was 17-31-6)
• Chris Pronger - he only bitches about the officiating, I'm mentioning him here because he's a dirty player who uses checking and hitting to compensate for his lack of actual athletic ability. He's probably going to get his name on the cup anyway. (and wind up on Detroit's roster since they love signing dirty players; Guess where Todd Bertuzzi went? Oh, Right. . .Detroit)

People who should finally STFU!

Oh yea, one final note. . .The Avalanche didn't make the playoffs. The reason is because they sucked it up early in the season and had to fight like mad at the end to get a shot. (it came down to the last 2 games of the season) They didn't deserve to make it to the playoffs, I'll be the FIRST to admit that. (but then again, Neither did Calgary, or Vancouver) The Avs record against Anaheim this year: 2-1-0 (and one of those wins was a 2-0 shutout) AND during those wins Anaheim was on a hot streak and BOTH times the Avs broke it! Against Ottowa they only played them once but the Avs won 2-1.
Hey, To those of you who say the regular season is not like the playoffs you can bite my shiny metal ass!