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Avoid foolishness in the gym PDF Print E-mail
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Written by asap   
Saturday, 13 January 2007

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So you've stuck with that New Year's resolution, and you're still cranking away at the gym.

More than a week — we're proud of you.

But if you're like many first-timers, you're not really sure how to act in the gym, constantly getting in people's way, maybe getting a scowl from some preposterously huge guy.

Well, we're here to help.

With the help of some personal trainers from Bally Total Fitness (theirs are the more straight-laced suggestions), we've got the rundown of the dos and don'ts at the gym. Some of it is common sense, some of it not so apparent, but all of it should help.

___

WIPE OFF YOUR SWEAT

There's nothing more irritating or disgusting than sitting down at a machine that's covered with sweat, particularly if it's on the headrest. Take a towel or use the paper towel dispensers that are usually found around the gym — no one wants to share your sweat.

___

PUT SOME CLOTHES ON

Spandex is not your friend. There's a reason you made a resolution, and no one wants to see your anatomy highlighted by bike shorts or squeezing out the sides of a too-tight belly shirt. Guys, don't cut the sleeves off your shirt and make the hole all the way down to your waist; even bodybuilders look ridiculous in those things. And no one wants a profile of your hairy beer gut. Go ahead and throw on a T-shirt and some cotton shorts. If you look around, it's what most everybody is wearing.

___

IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE A MACHINE, ASK

It might seem embarrassing to look like someone who doesn't know what you're doing, but the truth is you don't know what you're doing — and it's OK. Some of those machines are as complicated as the fuel injection system in a Toyota, and we've all needed pointers to figure out how to use some of them. Besides, it's far more embarrassing to get stuck and have to be rescued than to ask a question.

___

DON'T DO YOUR SETS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE RACK

If you're going to use dumbbells, grab your weights and find an open space away from the rack. Stand in front of the rack, and no one can get by or get to the weights they need.

___

DON'T POSE

No matter how big you think you are, no one else is impressed. Remember the commercial where the muscle-bound guy alternately flexed his pecs because he thought the woman on the treadmill was checking him out? That's how ridiculous you look. And chances are, you don't look nearly as good as you think.

___

DON'T GRUNT OR DROP THE WEIGHTS

Even less impressive than the pose is the grunt and drop. Grunting while lifting sounds like something you should be doing in the privacy of your home and dropping the weights makes you seem like the guy with the giant truck and monster tires who's, uh, trying to make up for something that's lacking.

___

PUT SOME CLOTHES ON (PART TWO)

The locker room is a place to change your clothes, not take them off and stroll around in the nude. Again, you probably don't look as good as you think and no one wants to see your parts jiggling around. This rule includes grooming. If you need to shave or brush your teeth, do it at home or put on some clothes; watching a naked person leaning over a counter is not appealing. And one final nude note: never, ever try to dry your private parts with those wall-mounted blowers (it may sound like common sense, but we've seen it a few too many times).

___

WHEN WORKING OUT WITH FRIENDS, DON'T SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT

This one is the same as the grunt rule — it might seem like you're doing something special, but we all know you're not.

___

DON'T STRETCH OR DO SIT-UPS IN THE STEAM ROOM OR SAUNA

First off, if you're flipping around in a hot room like that, chances are you're going to inadvertently flick sweat on the people around you. Second — and this is a common theme — no one wants to see that. Most people in steam rooms and saunas are wearing swimsuits and the view of a plumber's crack from a toe-touch is enough to make everyone else nauseous. And if it's a single-sex room and you feel the need to be naked ... well, it goes without saying.

___

AVOID LIFTING MORE WEIGHT THAN YOU CAN HANDLE

You're going to get stronger and in better shape faster if you use the correct form, so don't try to impress everyone by popping a vein in your forehead with something you can barely get off the ground. Either get someone to spot if you want to lift heavy or go lighter so you don't hurt yourself — or anyone else.

___

MOST OF ALL, ENJOY YOURSELF AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

Believe us, everyone in the gym — other than that way-too-tan blockhead and the obscenely thin blonde with the $5,000 chest — is self-conscious about how they look and they're not concerned about you. Have fun while you're in the gym and it'll be easier to stick with it.

___

John Marshall is asap's sports writer, based in Denver.

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