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Written by Kerry Stumpff
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Thursday, 27 July 2006 |
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Editor’s note: A friend of ours, Kerry Stumpff Lousberg, lives with her husband Kenny and their two young boys in Ramstein, Germany. A graduate of Colorado State University, Kerry sends out periodic e-mails to friends detailing her life there. We thought you’d get a kick out of her experiences and tongue-in-cheek observations.
Part I
I’ll start this edition with a funny and insightful thing that a friend who moved over here to work with Kenny said:
“Everyone knows someone who went to Germany sometime and even though it was 30 years ago, they still have to give you advice on how things work over there.”
This is so true, at times funny, at times helpful and at times just annoying. People are either usually coming from the perspective of a tourist, the spouse of a native or the military (a U.S. Air Force Base is located at Ramstein).
None of which applies to us, or our situation much. Kenny and I had traveled quite a lot prior to this move and let me tell you, being a tourist and actually living in a country are two completely different things.
Also, traveling/daily living while in the military and traveling/daily living while “living on the economy” as they call it are very different. No matter how much you travel or try to “live like the locals,” when in the military you still have an automatic support network wherever you move.
You work with a lot of Americans who speak English. You can go back to your base where, as in the case of Ramstein, there is a Chili’s restaurant, Macaroni Grill (being built), movie theater, grocery store (better than a Safeway) that has all American products, BX with all current books, magazines, clothing, electronics.
On base you can mail a letter with a U.S. stamp, use American dollars AND (this is a biggie for Kenny) eat at Taco Bell. It is a mini America in there and the boys, Stella (our dog) and I just kind of hang around outside the gates, looking sad, hoping someone will invite us in.
On my really homesick days, I wear a miniskirt and American flag bikini top. I figure some of the guys (or girls, don’t ask, don’t tell) coming back from Iraq might be pretty lonely.
At first I was a little confused and scared by the looks and comments we’d get from people associated with the military when I told them we were in no way working for the military, thus had no base privileges.
Usually we get some comment like, “Oh, my God, you poor thing. Where do you shop, what do you do all day, where do you buy gas, who do you talk to?” All the while, they are looking at me with pity and sympathy.
The good thing is that the military people we have met are some of the nicest, most generous people.
Our neighbor across the street is our milk “dealer” and keeps Kenny in supply of a steady stream of cold, fat-free milk. (Finding cold milk, or any other beverage for that matter, can be a challenge here.)
If she forgets or is out of town, he mows the lawn wearing only his American flag boxers and someone usually stops and asks if we need anything.
Part II
Americans are often criticized for supersizing everything. But it has been my experience that bigger IS almost always better.
Here are just a few examples off the top of my head:
 • Paper towels. See photo. The order goes German, German “Super Size,” and normal American.
 • Toilet paper. Again, see photo . American TP on the left, German on the right.
 • Toiletries. Shampoo, lotion, toothpaste, etc. German left, American right
• Men’s bathing suits. For Germans, think Speedo, think thong.
• Refrigerators. Think hotel minibar. With ours, there is also no freezer. I spent about 10 minutes opening cabinets and going through the house looking for a freezer. I was in disbelief that this tiny refrigerator was all that they provided. I’m fine with a rental that just leaves an empty space where you supply your own refrigerator/freezer, but come on. They honestly think giving you a dorm-sized refrigerator is all you need?
• Showers. I’ve figured out why European women don’t shave their legs — there is no room in the showers. Every time I bend over to reach my leg or pick something up off the floor of the shower, my butt hits the faucet handle and turns off the water. I really don’t think many Europeans use the actual shower stall for bathing.
I think they make do with the hand-held shower head in all of the tubs, but for the life of me I can’t figure out how to accomplish washing my hair without also hosing down the rest of the bathroom. I’ve tried scrunching down on my back, having my back face the wall so that I’m spraying the wall, even kneeling and putting my forehead on the bottom of the tub…. still, water all over the bathroom.
I guess it’s something that will always be a mystery to me, along with what the purpose of a bidet and how you actually use it.
So, on to shopping.
Things you (or at least I) can’t find in a German grocery store:
1) Oatmeal
2) Brown sugar
3) Soup (familiar varieties like chicken noodle, lentil, etc.)
4) Fat free, cold milk
5) Frozen corn
6) Bleach
7) A variety of fresh fruits and vegetables
8) Chocolate chips
9) Liquid dishwasher soap
10) Canned pumpkin
11) Baking soda
12) Jalapeños, or ANYTHING spicy
Things you CAN find in a German grocery store:
1) Leotards
2) Men’s thong underwear
3) Brats, brats and more brats (that’s bratwurst, not my kids)
4) Hard alcohol and good, cheap wine
5) A tent
6) A little girl’s pink tutu
7) Room temperature milk
8) Every kind of ketchup you can think of (Mexican, curry, garlic, salsa).
The funny thing is that with all of these ketchups, you’d think they would dole it out in handfuls at fast food restaurants. Not the case. You get one small packet for every order of fries, and then after that you pay for each packet.
9) Porn magazines, with naked pictures on the front, out in the open for little boys to see and ask, “What’s that lady doing?” | Only registered users can write comments.
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