And, then, I have friends I actually like.

I’ve heard those two pieces of advice so often that they’ve become clichés. Once a phrase becomes a cliché, my brain no longer processes its meaning. It files it somewhere next to “for all intents and purposes,” and “everything happens for a reason.”

Suggesting to someone that they should learn to be alone is like telling a cancer patient that they should learn to be sick. Sick people aspire to return to their natural state of well-being, just like I aspire to be in a relationship with a man. Sure, I can function without one. I can pay the rent, change light bulbs, perform basic math equations, but emotionally, I’m out of balance when I’m not in a relationship.

It’s funny that I feel like I’m introducing some radical new concept by admitting this. Modern cultural conditioning has tried to turn independence into a badge of honor. Society is convinced that being single is a choice for which we should be proud. I suppose that could be true, in a way. I’ve chosen to be single, about like I’ve chosen to be 40-something years old. The alternatives are much less attractive.

This concept of finding one’s true love is a modern one that only serves to distract us from fulfilling our primal need of finding someone to help us survive. I blame it on Seinfeld. Long before television, men couldn’t afford the luxury of dismissing a mate simply for having man hands or some other anomaly. There was too much to do and fewer options available. Plus, those man hands would have come in handy on the homestead.

Relationships have turned into acquisitions and the choices seem so endless that nature plays no part anymore. As with other acquisitions, our sense of relationship entitlement means we fear committing too much time to the sedan, when a hummer could be right around the corner. It’s time to return to a simpler way of thinking. A time when “settling” meant security and a beer gut, not conjugal visits.

So, while I refuse to “learn how to be alone,” I stopped looking for love some time ago, and so far, the results have been less than favorable. Except for the smug satisfaction of proving my so-called friends wrong.

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