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Defending an idiot PDF Print E-mail
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Written by asap   
Wednesday, 24 January 2007

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We have a regular game on Tuesdays, a group of people who work in town or at the courthouse, playing a little hoops on their lunch break.

This past week we were a person short, so we asked this random dude with headphones if he wanted to play.

Big mistake.

The guy talked trash — most of which didn't make sense — from the start, fought way too hard through screens and fouled even his teammates.

Someone finally asked what's wrong with him.

"I'm from the ghetto," he replied, "and that's the way we roll."

Not sure what that has to do with playing at a rec center in the Denver suburbs, but we kept playing. And while the Eminem wannabe kept agitating, I stayed out of it ... for a little while.

Then he barreled through two people and hit me upside the head in the process. Not known for my cool and calm demeanor — just ask my golf clubs — I shove the guy in the chest, get up in his face and yell a few choice words.

Slim Shady then starts repeating "You don't even know!" and storms over to the bleachers, grabbing his cell phone and bag before storming off.

I'm still not sure what that means, but if you play pickup basketball games, chances are you've had similar experiences. For some reason, this incident stuck with me.

My first thought was: What makes people get so fired up during a meaningless game?

Is it just competitiveness that gets out of hand? Maybe there are repressed feelings about never making it as an athlete, about being relegated to the courts and fields of the weekend warrior when there were childhood hopes of greatness. Or perhaps it's just frustration with our mundane lives being manifested on the court.

I have a hard time figuring out what to eat for dinner, much less complicated societal issues such as these, so I mulled over that part of it for about 30 seconds before giving up. After that, my focus shifted to what has become a near obsession: stupid people.

At any given time, I hold the belief that 60 to 90 percent of the population is dumb — leaning toward 90 when I'm behind the wheel.

I know it's an awfully pessimistic view — and something a therapist could have a field day with — but every time I try change my outlook some doofus pulls into the fast lane going 25 mph under the speed limit or blocks a doorway while he fidgets with his Blackberry.

And the thing about stupid people is that you can't reason with them; one of the key things about being dumb is that you're not smart enough to realize you are dumb. There's no rationalizing with ignorance.

Which gets me back to Mr. Elbows.

No matter what we said to the guy, we couldn't get through. There were seven people — most of them bigger than him — ready to shove his face through the wall, yet he kept popping off, kept trying to run over people.

Looking back, I probably should have just ignored the guy, let him run his mouth or even walked away from the game. But it's hard — ignorance is infuriating.

And unfortunately there's plenty of it on basketball courts.

Who hasn't faced some mouthy kid who plays like Philip Seymour Hoffman's character in "Along Came Polly" and wanted to rearrange his choppers? What about the guy who has no game, thinks he does and chucks it every time he touches the ball?

Then there's my personal favorite: the guy who has the eight-sizes-too-big shiny shorts, $150 shoes, wristband halfway up his forearm and all the lingo, who dribbles in circles until someone takes the ball away from him.

Maybe it's just time — and I've said this before — to stop playing. It's not worth it anymore.


NFL PLAYOFFS

They said for years that John Elway was a great player who couldn't win the big one. Then came The Drive against Cleveland, which led to two Super Bowl titles.

Could we have just seen a similar moment with Peyton Manning?

Indianapolis' record-setting QB has been criticized for not being able to come through in the playoffs, but he silenced everyone with his performance against New England in the AFC Championship, throwing for 349 yards and marching the Colts down the field for the game-winning score with a minute left. The Colts win the Super Bowl, and that will become the defining moment of Manning's career.

And while we're on quieting critics, how about Rex Grossman?

There were times the guy had trouble figuring out which team to throw to during the regular season, yet he has the Bears going to Miami next month. OK, so the defense has done a lot to put Chicago in the Super Bowl — but at least young Rex didn't screw it up.

___

John Marshall is asap's sports writer, based in Denver.

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