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Written by Donovan Henderson
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Tuesday, 08 August 2006 |
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You’ve probably heard co-workers talking about the e-mail, “Top 25 Things Where You Know You’ve Gotten Old,” or you’ve received it yourself.
I’ve received it several times, but the after most recent time, myself and two of my friends, Dan and Jared, decided to expand on the original list and come up with a list of our own.
Below is the original, and to the right are our additions.
If you’ve got one to add, e-mail me at
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If you’re not “the old one” like us, maybe you are the young co-worker, slaving away with the sad, old fogies. Send us your submission.
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of? “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %& @# kids next
door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset,
rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms
and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going
to drink that much again.”
23. 90 percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out a friend is pregnant you congratulate her
instead of asking “Oh S*$# what the hell happened?”
Bonus: 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one
sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.
• You order a beer because it tastes great, not because 60 ounces of it costs $1.
• Freshman in college look like kids, and high school kids look like babies.
• Most athletes in their prime are younger than you.
• Athletes that are considered old are your age.
• Movie stars are usually younger than you.
• Playboy Bunnies could be your daughter.
• Your kids, instead of your dog, your cat or your bird, are your babies.
• When you’re on a date, you know you’ll get some at the end.
• Movies you know by heart came out more than two DECADES ago!
• BYOB actually stands for “beverages” and not “beer.”
• You watch movies at home with English subtitles on because if you had to crank it up loud enough so you could actually hear it, it would wake the kids and possibly the neighbors.
• Before: You stretched before exercising; Now: Stretching IS exercise.
• Teenagers call you “sir.”
• You know the names of at least three brand names for mini-vans (and you’re really old, if you know the pros and cons of each!)
• You work with people who were born AFTER you graduated from high school.
• You have discovered that Spagetti-Os actually taste really bad.
• You know how many grams of fat are in a fast-food entrée.
• The words “punk-ass kid” have come out of your mouth.
• One of the greatest rock albums of all time, “Back in Black,” celebrates its 25th anniversary.
• The “ooh” you say when a cute young thing walks by isn’t because she’s so hot, but because your neck and about five other joints popped when you turned your head too quickly.
• You have six-pack abs because you can, while sitting up straight, set a six-pack on your “abs.”
• Finding a heartburn drug that works makes you giddy.
• You actually root for harm to come to teenagers who wear their hats crooked.
• You have moments where you go, “Ah, my dad was right.”
• You stop drinking at night because you have to get up early in the morning.
• You get up early in the morning.
• Coffee is no longer a hangover remedy, but a necessity to get through the morning.
• The early news seems late.
• You remember life before microwaves? Jiffy Pop popcorn!
• Cookie Crisp cereal now sounds disgusting.
• You are now the old guy that kids try to get to buy them beer in front of the liquor store.
• You actually notice speed limit signs and often follow them!
• You groan putting your socks on.
• Your favorite albums are older than some of your co-workers.
• You wish they still ran Bugs Bunny instead of all “those new, weird cartoons.”
• Instead of partying, puking and skirt chasing, you play cards with your friends.
• Some people stare at you blankly when you bring up bands you used to love as a kid.
• You REPAIR the holes in your jeans now instead of making them.
• You go to Kohls instead of The Gap.
• You see someone with a piercing and instead of thinking, “Hmm, I might try that,” you think, “He’s going to look like an idiot when he’s 50!”
• A good night’s sleep sounds way more seductive than an all-night love session.
• You can barely stay up on New Year’s Eve...and you don’t really care if you do or not.
• When you see people do stunts on TV, you used to think “COOL!” and now you say “I wonder if he’s got health coverage.” | Only registered users can write comments.
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|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
|  | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
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|  | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
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