My boyfriend smokes a lot of weed. This has never really bothered me before, even though I don’t smoke. Lately, his habit is starting to cause problems. After being unemployed for 3 months, he was finally offered a good job with a good company, but he was denied the job after he failed the drug test. The fact that he couldn’t stay away from the stuff for a couple of months while he was job hunting makes me think this is a bigger problem than I realized. My boyfriend says that he’s not addicted to weed, but his love for it has cost him a job. That sounds like addiction to me. How can I get him to stop?

Fed Up with his smoking

Dear Up in Smoke:

Do you feel that breeze under your skirt? That's your boyfriend blowing smoke up your ass. Of course he has a problem. But, if I were to answer your question honestly, it would make for dull reading. How can you get him to stop? Um, you can’t. Next question.

What you really want to know is how you can turn a fish into a puppy. When you chose to get involved with Cheech Junior, you got yourself the equivalent of a pet goldfish, and everything that goes with owning a pet goldfish. He’s been swimming around his fishbowl the same way he always has since you first got together. Then, all of a sudden, you realized that you never wanted a goldfish, you wanted a puppy instead. You thought that if Cheech loved you enough, he would eventually transform himself into the puppy you always wanted. It makes you feel cheated watching him swim around and around that fishbowl, making no effort at all to turn into a puppy.

Rather than waste all your energy trying to alter genetics, I suggest you, either give your stoner boyfriend away to someone with lower expectations, or go and find yourself a second source of income. At the very least, you should probably invest in a plastic cup and some duct tape. Think about it.

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