|
Pulse, J-horror remake, has no pulse |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Written by Roger Moore, MCT
|
|
Friday, 11 August 2006 |
|
|
|
|
PULSE
1 star (out of 5)
Cast: Kristen Bell, Christina Milian, Ian Somerhalder, Ron Rifkin
Director: Jim Sonzero
Running time: 1 hour 27 minutes.
Industry rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi terror, disturbing images, language, sensuality and thematic material.
 Hollywood is so enamoured of all things J-horror - Japanese horror movies - that they've burned through American remakes of "The Ring'' and "The Grudge,'' and are now scraping the bottom of the sake cup. "Pulse'' is the remake of a 2001 J-horror film that was derivative and pokey, even before Hollywood got its hands on it.
Horror maven Wes "Scream" Craven was brought in to adapt the script. The minute he figured out that the Japanese title of the film, "Kairo,'' might well translate into "Watching my wet kimono dry in the morning sun," he knew he was in trouble. So what he did to jolt some life into this tale of college kids who have the life sucked out of them after stumbling into a computer program was turn it into a "Night of the Internet Dead.''
It doesn't work.
Kristen Bell of TV's "Veronica Mars'' brings nothing but a face suitable for extreme close-ups to Mattie, the girl whose boyfriend's wandering through MySpace has gotten him sucked into cyberspace. He's opened the wrong virus file and unleashes the dead, who apparently have been dying to send instant messages.
Christina Milian ("Be Cool'') is Mattie's hip black pal — i.e., a potential second act victim.
And Ian Somerhalder ("Lost'') is the smoldering tech-whiz who may put the electronic puzzle together.
Craven (who didn't direct) cooks up scenes to show the text-message generation blitzing each other with input in bars, or late at night when they're supposed to be doing homework. He opens the film in a place that must hold special terror for the personally digitally assisted — a library. That's the cleverest and sneakiest stuff in this, a commentary on a generation so wired it is vulnerable to anything anybody chooses to upload.
Craven didn't direct, and the modern master of suspense's touch is clearly felt in the lack of urgency in the proceedings (TV commercial alumnus Jim Sonzero was behind the camera, asleep, until the effects team showed up, I am guessing).
The effects, with death attacking through spectral digital ghosts ("White Noise''), are top drawer. But the only difference between this and "Stay Alive'' is that it's about a virus, not a game, the only difference between this and "The Ring'' is that it's a virus, not a videotape.
"Over familiar" is not a synonym for "spooky."
And the acting is so flat that when veteran weirdo Brad Dourif ("Lord of the Rings'') shows up and chews up the scenery in a diner with predictions of Armageddon, it's both the laugh it was intended to be, and the first time "Pulse'' has shown a pulse.
| Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register. |
|
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
|  | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
| |
|  | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
|
|
