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Office romances have received a bad rap |
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Written by asap
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Wednesday, 07 February 2007 |
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Just for Valentine's Day, it's time to be contrarian.
Every advice site in the world warns readers to stay away from office romances, and hordes of company lawyers have drafted rules banning the practice. They trot out the horror stories: You will be hit with sexual harassment lawsuits, it will compromise your ability to act as a manager, you could be blocked from later promotions by colleagues you dumped, you might be forced to leave your job regardless of whether you two break up or stay together.
Maybe so. But I have to think there is an opposite side to that coin. I am not suggesting you run out and date your married boss, or sleep with every colleague you are mildly attracted to, or prowl the corridors at work like you might a Friday night hot spot. But bowing to Cupid as the patron saint of February, here's a few reasons why office romances have gotten a bad rap.
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IT'S THE HOURS, STUPID
American adults spend a significant chunk of their day at work. Over 31% of American men with a college education work 50 hours a week or more, according to Business Week. American women are more than twice as likely as their European counterparts to work 40 hours a week or more, the Organization for Economic Cooperation & Development reports. Add in a few hours for their commutes — which are rising yearly — and the time available to meet potential mates outside the office is shrinking.
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SNEAK PREVIEWS ARE A GOOD THING
Any person can fool you with their charm during a two-hour blind date. But at work, you can watch your potential mate interact with all sorts of people for hours, days, weeks on end. You can see how they handle stress or bad news, treat those who work for them or with them, woo clients, come up with ideas. You have a lot more information on the real "them."
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SAME INDUSTRY, SOME SIMILAR VALUES
Since you two are already in the same industry, chances are you value some similar things. In medicine, it's helping patients get better. In banking or trading, it's making money. In real estate, sales. In Ph.D programs, education. In music, creativity and talent. In government, power. You two have already self-selected the value system of your profession over that of 1,000 other professions — a big step on the road to compatibility.
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IT'S A HECKUVA LOT CHEAPER
Maybe Wall Street traders can afford big romantic dinners out every night, but for the rest of us, dating is the black hole that implodes one's finances. Young workers often have free time but not cash. They are desperate to be with that certain someone but don't want to come off as a tightwad. The solution — eating lunch at the cafeteria together, working out at the company gym, even talking shop on coffee breaks. Those 3-hour meetings on the transparency of your company's internal auditing system might be a whole lot more tolerable if your heartthrob has to be there as well.
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SINGLE PARENTS: BABYSITTING ALREADY RESOLVED
Even rich single parents — all ten of them — have no free time. That's not to say they don't have a social life, but it's unconventional. They can be found at the playground, at the elementary school, on the sidelines of the soccer field — or at work. If you want to date one, you need to hunt them down at their watering hole. And for eight hours a day at work, their baby-sitting issues have already been resolved!
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COMPANY LIFERS ARE PRACTICALLY EXTINCT
Mergers, takeovers and bankruptcies in today's business world have broken the old, unspoken contracts between workers and their employers. No one under 30 is "a lifer" at one company anymore. People used to fear that ex-lovers could vindictively block their rise at work or force them out. Chances are good now that both of you will be working somewhere else in a few years regardless of how your relationship goes.
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THE OFFICE ROMANCE GENIE IS OUT OF THE BOTTLE
Dennis Powers, author of "The Office Romance," estimates that 8 million Americans enter into a relationship at work every year and about a third of romances begin at the office. A Google search of the term brings up 1.1 million possible sites weighing in on the topic. Office romances are here to stay — so it's not a bad idea to ponder the pros and cons of the subject before your libido does your thinking for you.
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Sheila Norman-Culp was a young widow with a toddler when she found her second husband at work on the AP's international desk. They have been married nearly 15 years.
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