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Written by NEXTnc staff
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Tuesday, 04 April 2006 |
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Hardee-har-har-har. This is the first in a long list of annoying clichés that won’t go away. You’re slaving to make a deadline and someone comes up and says, with such a sheer sense of cleverness, “Hey, workin’ hard or hardly workin’?” Are they serious with that crap? Of course we’re hardly working. Duh.
Cockney crap. Why do most infomercial guys have a British accent? We’re suckers for accents, but from hot French chicks trying to sell us silky lingerie, not a bow-tied bozo looking to hoist some second-rate kitchen cleaner on us that not only don’t we need, but no one needs. Go back across the pond, guvna. We were just fine with voiceovers about the wonders of aluminum-can cutting Ginsu knives before you came.
Byte this. Your computer crashes, and when you reboot, the damn thing has the audacity to inform you, ever so smugly, that you didn’t shut down properly. Makes you want to say F-U to the CPU, don’t it?
Feedback. A NEXTnc reader empathized with our frustrations about traffic lights. Here’s what she wrote: The U.S. 34 Bypass through Greeley should be renamed B.S. 34. Isn’t the point of a bypass to get from one side of town to the other with minimal stopping? Every time I get on that godforsaken road —day, night, weekends, leap day, whatever — I end up stopping at every single light. It’s twice as annoying because the lights turn yellow just as I’m getting up to highway speed. I always have to stop. And don’t even get me started about the light at 4th Street and 59th Avenue. That S.O.B. and I have had words. The law of averages states that at least once in a while, by sheer luck, I should get a green light. I seriously haven’t gotten one in FOUR YEARS! I am so f***ing sick of slamming on my brakes I could scream. City of Greeley, I’ll be sending you my Brakes Plus bill. | Only registered users can write comments.
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|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
|  | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
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|  | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
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