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Written by Michele Himmelberg, MCT
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Monday, 19 February 2007 |
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Is it OK to cry at work? Under what circumstances?
Yes, it's OK to cry because you're human and stuff happens.
No, it's not OK to cry at work because you're a professional, and that standard in the workplace requires keeping your emotions under control with colleagues. For some people, particularly at management levels, crying could become a career—killer.
Is that clear?
Of course, there is no simple yes or no answer.
Many experts adopt a common—sense approach: Try very hard to avoid spilling your tears — or any other excess emotion — at work. If it happens, pull yourself together as quickly as possible and get through the day. Then, figure out what's really bothering you and resolve that issue. Obviously, it's making you way too tense.
It helps to understand the science of tears. When we get very upset, our body goes into overdrive and begins producing massive amounts of chemicals and hormones.
These hormones flood your system and, when there's an excess, one way the body releases them is through tears.
Crying helps to eliminate the extra chemicals we don't need. That's why you might feel a sense of relief, or at least feel a little calmer, after you cry. The tears soothe our sadness, distress or frustration because they're purging the excess chemical agents.
For the second part of the question: Under what circumstances is it OK to cry at work?
Well, the last time I cried — anywhere — it wasn't a conscious decision. It just happened, the emotional waterfall within me pouring down my face. I don't think most of us are going to consciously decide whether or not to cry in that split second when we're stuck in an uncomfortable situation at work and the crying trigger is suddenly pulled.
But if you're a sensitive type and want to think about it ahead of time, you've really got to wonder: What are you crying about? Is it something personal that has no relation to your work? Then get yourself together before you walk into the office, or at least be aware enough of your emotions to sense it coming and find a private place to shed your tears (preferably not a bathroom stall, though that's often the only choice.)
If it's work—related, is it worth crying about in front of your colleagues and/or boss? Do you want them to know that side of you?
Most of us work under a certain amount of pressure, and sometimes we're going to react. Crying is a lot better than some other expressions of emotion, like exploding with verbal insults or angrily slamming a door so the entire floor hears it. But any of those reveal a part of you that could be better left at home.
Emotions are still a squishy subject in the workplace. We hear about the need for more passion at work. But if you encourage passion, does that invite a range of other emotions to be unleashed at work? The culture of your workplace will dictate what's appropriate and what's not. A smaller staff or a family—type environment will be a lot safer place for tears than a corporate office.
A real—life example and some good suggestions came from Linda Cowley, an executive assistant for a health—care insurance provider in Irvine, Calif. She's struggling with a very difficult personal challenge and decided to share that with her colleagues, who are all women.
"They were extremely supportive, especially when I cried," Cowley said. "They have all cried, too, at various times: when the father of one died, when stress from travel was too much for another, when a client was being verbally abusive.
"We are all very much a team and committed to doing our best at work. When one of us is struggling, the others are there for her with support and encouragement.
When you're going through some of life's passages, work is a good medication."
Cowley offered three scenarios for evaluating the crying threshold at work:
1. Do you know your supervisor and co—workers well enough to cry in front of them without negative repercussions? If the answer is no, I'd suggest excusing yourself to the restroom, taking a walk or even leaving work "sick."
2. Would clients or customers be exposed to your crying? If the answer is yes, I'd suggest the same actions as above.
3. It's generally more socially acceptable for a woman to cry in the workplace than a man, but that opens the door to another question entirely.
Yes, and it brings up another gender issue. When women cry, they risk being labeled with the stereotype of being "over—emotional." But, that's another topic. | Only registered users can write comments.
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