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Written by Pikachu
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Friday, 23 February 2007 |
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Seeking some of the benefits that married people enjoy, Brian Smallwood entered into a domestic partnership in New York City.
The happy couple, who live together, registered in December. And occasionally they are put in a position to explain themselves.
“After it happened I would say, ’This is my domestic partner Rachel,’ and everyone would look at me like I was crazy,” said Smallwood, a scenic designer who lives with girlfriend Rachel Gordon.
The reaction, Smallwood said, was often: “’Wait, you’re straight and you’re domestic partners?”’
A little confusing at first, perhaps, but the explanation is simple enough. Domestic partnerships aren’t only for gay couples, after all.
Since the first one was created in Berkeley, Calif., in 1984, seven states and more than 60 cities and counties have started domestic partnership registries. Most are open to opposite-sex couples, and a sizable number have been quietly signing up.
For many gay partners seeking official recognition and at least a few of the rights of marriage, domestic partnerships are the only option currently available.
But for many straight couples who aren’t ready to tie the knot — or don’t want to, because it’s not right for them — domestic partnership has become a welcome alternative.
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EASY IN, EASY OUT
The arrangements are typically easy to get into and out of, they lack the weighty social significance of marriage, and they offer some limited benefits to the couple, such as hospital visitation rights or the right to bereavement leave.
In most cases, you need little more than a small payment and a notarized form saying you live together, are in a committed relationship, and aren’t in another domestic partnership or married.
With local domestic partnership registries, don’t bother calling a lawyer if things don’t work out. A simple letter to the clerk’s office may do the trick. If you get married, some domestic partnerships even automatically dissolve.
And perhaps more importantly, domestic partnership has become a way for couples to share health benefits without having to get married.
For Smallwood and Gordon, that played a big part in their decision.
“I wanted to further our commitment to each other and also give her some of my perks — get her on my health insurance,” he said.
But in their minds, registering was also a symbol of the seriousness of their relationship and a step toward marriage. In fact, the couple just got engaged.
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I WOULD KNOW
The same was true of my girlfriend Leslie and I when we registered at the King’s County Clerk’s Office in Brooklyn, N.Y. as domestic partners last May. We were moving toward marriage and saved money by sharing insurance benefits.
In that respect, we’re typical of different-sex domestic partners, said Marion Willetts, a sociologist at Illinois State University who has surveyed several hundred such couples around the country.
Some couples cited other practical benefits, such as the ability for graduate students to qualify for university housing, or even discounted gym membership. “The most common motivation was economic,” she said, “and that was commonly trying to get health insurance for a partner.”
The Human Rights Campaign, a gay-rights advocacy group that has studied the issue, has cataloged thousands of companies, universities and city governments that now offer health insurance and other benefits to the domestic partners of their employees. Many, though not all, offer benefits to different-sex as well as same-sex couples.
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WE ALL HAVE OUR REASONS
Whatever their motivation for signing up, the men and women Willetts interviewed were typically in serious relationships but either felt they weren’t ready to marry yet, or had a practical or personal objection to getting married, such as the experience of a previous divorce.
Politics factored in, too, but not for many. A small percentage of opposite-sex domestic partners told Willetts they saw marriage as an inherently religious or male-dominated institution, and objected on those grounds, or felt it was wrong to take part in a custom that largely excluded gay couples.
Whatever their motivations for registering, most couples felt domestic partnership was not nearly as laden with significance as marriage would be.
“For most of them it didn’t substantially change their lives,” said Willetts. “They don’t feel any different. They don’t feel the relationship has changed for them.”
That was the case for Dianne Cox and Michael Cammer, a couple in New Rochelle, N.Y., who registered as domestic partners in 2000.
“We didn’t have a ceremony,” Cox said. “We don’t celebrate that in any way.” The couple has been together for more than 14 years and have two daughters, but say they never felt the need to get married.
“We kind of celebrate our anniversary as the day we started living together,” she added.
Other couples, like Smallwood and Gordon, say registering was more significant for them. “We do celebrate 12/12 as our ’Partners Day,”’ Smallwood said.
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TRACKING THE TREND
No one knows exactly how many couples like us are out there.
In her research, Willetts found different-sex couples make up about 8 percent of all domestic partners. But many registries aren’t public, and those that are available generally don’t state the gender of the registrants.
The registry rolls also don’t keep close track of how many domestic partnerships have dissolved, either because the couple married or broke up. More than 50,000 couples have signed up under state registries, according to the HRC, but it’s unclear how many more have registered under state or county ordinances.
And if the numbers are confusing, the various domestic partnership rules are worse.
Since there is no common definition of domestic partnership, the rules vary in each jurisdiction. Generally speaking, state laws offer both much more expansive benefits and more restrictions.
In California, for example, domestic partnership is virtually equal to marriage, and includes the same property and spousal support implications. City and county registries, on the other hand, have few legal consequences.
“Local registries are really much more symbolic,” said Carrie Evans, the Human Rights Campaign’s state legislative director. They offer things like hospital and jail visitation rights, but little more.
Willetts also believes the future will see more straight couples signing up nonetheless.
“I think it’s becoming more mainstream,” she said. “And we see this in the growing number of cities, counties and states that are institutions these domestic partnership ordinances.”
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Oliver Libaw is a freelance writer based in New York. | Only registered users can write comments.
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