Sure, I heard all the stories about how the second child always gets shortchanged.

"You'll never have as many pictures as the first."

"The second never gets as much attention as your first."

But I proudly patted my expanding belly and assured anyone who popped out those comments that no way would that happen to my baby. Of course I would take just as many pictures. The video camera would have to be left on the counter from so much use. A big difference between child No. 1 and child No. 2? Not for me.

I hate to admit it, but I was wrong.

My neglect started when Aubrey was in utero. When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I followed every rule, even the absurd ones. I didn't just not eat tuna fish, I didn't eat fish at all. No mercury would ever make its way into my baby's bloodstream! I cut out caffeine. My doctor had suggested cutting back, but why would caffeine ever be good for a baby? It would be best to cut it out completely.

Hot dogs, cold lunch meat, feta cheese -- gone. Too much risk for listeria from meats or unpasteurized cheese. I actually considered it a talent when I could rattle off just exactly why I couldn't eat a certain food. Oh that? Nope, that would make the baby come out with wings. That drink? No way. The baby would come out with horns.

Surely I would win an award for being the most cautious pregnant person in the world. I carefully washed all the baby's clothes, folded them and neatly put them in her drawers. Then I realized I had used a drier sheet and rewashed every item again because of the risk she could be allergic to the ingredients of the drier sheet.

I was obsessed with doing everything right.

___

Then came baby No. 2.

I couldn't seem to curb my addition to 7-11 Coke slurpees. They are so wonderfully refreshing and sweet, I have to have one almost daily. (Two on some days.) So I had a few. What would it hurt?

Then I had a few more. Finally, I surrendered to caffeine and convinced myself the baby would be fine. What's a little caffeine, right? (I did have nightmares that my doctor delivered the baby and announced that the placenta was lined with a thick layer of Coke syrup.)

So the kid got caffeine. She got hot dogs. She got feta cheese and ham and turkey sandwiches. Besides, how many women show up to deliver with a case of listeria? And she got tuna sandwiches. Yikes.

It wasn't a conscious thing to completely do the opposite of my first pregnancy. I just figured I was so strict on myself the first time, letting loose a little would be fine.

When she screamed her way into the world, she seemed healthy. Good, powerful lungs. Not a trace of Coke slurpee in her belly. Listeria? Nope.

We took pictures, got out the video camera and sent out e-mails and announcements. I worked on her baby scrapbook.

But then life seemed to get a lot more complicated with a newborn and a toddler. I was busy, exhausted and soon realized the camera was collecting a little dust.

"We have to video her tonight," I told my husband.

I had hours and hours of video of my toddler doing absolutely nothing. I once videotaped her for 45 minutes, waiting for her to roll over. I finally realized she had stopped midway and fallen asleep.

When my toddler crawled over to a bowl of yummy cat food and started munching away, my husband made me call poison control. (They told me cat food is in fact healthy, but most people don't like the taste. Good to know.)

When Aubrey goes for the cat bowl, we take it out of her mouth, move the cat food and forget about it.

When Addie put paper that had just come out of the printer into her mouth, my husband made me call poison control for possible ink poisoning. (They didn't have much to say, probably too busy trying to stifle a laugh.)

Now I notice we GIVE Aubrey a magazine or a piece of paper to play with. The sound of crackling paper is so delightful and keeps her entertained for a good 10 minutes.

___

Will this only get worse, the case of the slighted second child?

Maybe instead of being shortchanged, she got a changed mother. I find myself so much more relaxed with my second baby, so much more in control. Heck, maybe I do know what I'm doing.

With my first, I pulled out the development book every week. This time, that book has been collecting dust for a year.

And maybe I didn't notice it as much with my first, but my second is such a joy. I was too busy, I think, worrying about this stage and that stage, what food to feed my first and whether she pooped enough.

Now that big baby grin that greets me at the beginning and end of each day is so refreshing, so wonderful, that I know it's not a bad thing that her scrapbook hasn't advanced past the hospital pictures.

I scoop her up, plant a big kiss on her head and she squeals with delight.

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asap columnist Angie Wagner is the AP's Western regional writer, based in Las Vegas.

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