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Written by Pikachu
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Wednesday, 18 April 2007 |
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“Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days,” Benjamin Franklin famously said. With the summer travel months fast approaching and friends looking for a place to crash, it’s worth considering how to be a good guest — and a good host.
Having visitors offers a much-needed chance to catch up with out-of-town friends and family, but too much time in close quarters can be exhausting for both sides. Then again, spending too little time together can make the host feel more like an innkeeper than a friend.
And of course, being a lousy host can be just as offensive as being an inconsiderate guest.
Two weeks ago, I began a marathon of entertaining that included three out-of-town guests crashing at my studio apartment in 14 days. Even though all three were good friends — and the second and third spent some of their nights at other friends’ places — by the end, many nerves were frayed.
So let’s go to the expert. Below are some tips on how to preserve both host and guest’s sanity during visits, courtesy of Anna Post of the Emily Post Institute in Vermont.
“The number one thing both parties can do to make a visit run smoothly is to talk about expectations and plans in advance,” says Post, the great-great granddaughter of the institute’s namesake.
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TIME LIMIT?
Despite what our founding father said, Post says there’s no absolute time limit on visits. How long someone stays depends on why they’re visiting and how well they know the host. Those details need to be worked out in advance, and the host should lead the discussion.
“To give the guest a timeframe to work within, it’s best that the host do it,” she says. “If they don’t, it’s OK for the guest to go ahead and ask.”
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DON’T FORGET DOWN TIME
It’s up to both parties to drum up things to do, though more of a burden falls on the person who lives in the city where the trip takes place. But don’t overload the schedule.
“Each side might want to offer some down time so they’re not completely in each other’s pockets the whole time,” she said. “It’s important to give people a little bit of space and privacy ... It’s not an insult.”
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CAROUSE CONTROL
It might be a regular work week for you, but it’s your friend’s vacation. So how do you avoid reeking of scotch the next day at work? Post suggests planning ahead, feeling out your friend’s expectations and setting a limit before the drinks are poured.
“You might say I can go out with you guys for a while but my budget just can’t take it, or I have a meeting the next morning. It’s OK to set a limit”
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DON’T BE A LOUSY HOST
Then again, it could be your vacation and your visitor’s work week. If so, keep it down at night. Don’t forget to offer clean towels and clean sheets, “even if you’re just putting them on the couch.”
A trip to the hardware store might also be in order. “The number one thing I as a host do for my guests, and love it when hosts do for me, is to offer them a spare key so they can come and go,” Post says.
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IT’S NOT A HOTEL
If you’re the guest, keep everyone informed of your travel plans, be sure to clean up after yourself and don’t spend too little time with the host, lest you make the person feel like an innkeeper.
“Just be aware that you are in someone’s house,” she said. “This is a friend who’s doing you a favor.”
Thank-you notes are a must, and a gift isn’t a bad idea — even if it’s something small such as flowers, a bottle of wine or dinner out.
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asap reporter Jonathan Drew is based in a very small apartment in New York. | Only registered users can write comments.
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