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'Fix-its' for your relationship |
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Written by Jeff Herring, McClatchy-Tribune
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Monday, 23 April 2007 |
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Relationships need good quality maintenance all year long. At the same time, since spring in finally here, I though it would be a good time to offer a few "fix-it-up" tips for your relationship.
Tip 1 — Date your spouse — Just about every successful couple I know has a regular date night. Whether weekly or monthly is not as important as having a regular time both of you can count on.
Tip 2 — Say I love you often — If you have been together a year or 20 years, these are always three magic words.
Tip 3 — And speaking of magic words, learn and speak your partner's love language. Does you partner most need to see it, hear it or feel it?
Tip 4 — Apologize when you need to — We all mess up sometimes. The quicker we clean it up so we can move on, the better.
Tip 5 — Chore charting — For one month, take over a chore your partner hates. Don't tell them want you are going to do, just do it.
Tip 6 — Use your database — If you have been with someone for more than a month, you have a good database of information about them. What they like, don't like, how they like to be treated, etc. Use it.
Tip 7 — Ask questions — Just because you have a database of information on someone does not mean that you know everything about them. Ask questions. Be curious. Listen to their stories.
Tip 8 — Listen for the heart — So many times we listen only to the words being spoken to us. Listen instead to what the heart of your partner is saying.
Tip 9 — Appreciate what you want to see more of — Verbally, out loud, appreciate something about your partner each day.
Tip 10 — Another listening tip — Don't just sit there waiting for the words to stop coming out of the mouth of your partner, really listen to what is being said.
Tip 11 — Good manners — It does not matter how long you have been together, good manners are still important. Saying "excuse me" when you need to get by someone is still much better than "move."
Tip 12 — Anticipation — is much more than an old song by Carly Simon that is now used in a ketchup commercial. Being able to anticipate something together, to have something to look forward to, draws couples closer together.
Tip 13 — Get naked — So many couples with whom I coach tell me the same sad story. Sex is just not the same and/or no longer exists. Many couples have no idea how to rekindle the spark. Here is the simple advice I often give — get naked under the covers and just hold each other. Put aside all the fears and resentments and expectations and just hold each other.
Tip 14 — Watch your language — words have meaning. Be careful and mindful of how you use your words with your love.
Tip 15 — Don't be a "sexual slacker." Dr. Linda Miles, author of "The New Marriage," encourages couples to each keep up their end of the bargain in the sexual department.
Tip 16 — Surprise each other — avoid being way too predictable. Buy a gift, plan a trip, come home early, surprise your partner.
Tip 17 — Dream together — Do you know the dreams of your partner? Know and support the dreams of your partner. Share them and support them.
Tip 18 — Own your part — each person in a relationship has a contribution to the good stuff and a contribution to the bad stuff as well. You gotta own both to keep what you want and change what needs changing.
Tip 19 — Change yourself — while we are talking about change, always keep in mind that you are the only person you can change. No one likes it when someone is trying to change us. Focus on changing your self.
Tip 20 — Your complaints — Pay attention to your complaints about your partner. According to Atlanta relationship coach Patty Binn-Farinola, our complaints often indicate an area the we need to work on with ourselves.
Tip 21 — A work in progress — Marriage, or any other long-term love relationship, is a work in progress with a life time contract. Always keep learning and loving. | Only registered users can write comments.
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