|
|
 |
|
Written by Donovan Henderson - View Profile
|
|
Monday, 14 May 2007 |
|
|
|
|
The psychological makeup of today's driver is a complex, mysterious grab bag of idiosyncracies, inconsistencies, distractions and motivations.
Some doctoral student somewhere is probably in the midst of studying the habits of the average driver and plans to put the study in a lengthy and incomprehensible dissertation.
I'll save the wannabe Ph.d some trouble and sum it up like this: Most drivers are morons.
I know it. You know it. It's a good chance we've passed each other on the road and I've thought it about you, and you've thought it about me.
As troubling and dangerous as the super aggressive drivers are, they are just a small percentage of the problem drivers out there.
The big problem in northern Colorado, especially on Interstate 25, are the lolly-loos. They are the scourge of traffic flow the world over.
They are the lollygaggers who double as looky-loos.
They are the ones who drive even sensible drivers mad.
Lolly-loos cause traffic back ups by going 64 mph in the lefthand lane and refuse to step on the gas and bump up the cruise control to get around a semitrailer. Instead, they'll take five miles to pass the semi and cause a 50-car caravan behind them. They are the same ones who slow down just because they see the traffic going the oppositie direction going slow. They are the same ones who get so distracted by a piece of plastic stuck on the roadside fence blowing in the wind that they have to hit their brakes.
They are the ones who caused my drive to Denver over the weekend to take two and half hours.
I hit stop-n-go traffic at the base of Berthoud hill and it never let up. Every time I came to the crest of a hill, I expected to see a 50-car pileup with emergency vehicles, helicopters, TV camera crews and tow trucks. But no accident ever materialized. No spaceship hovering over the interstate. No naked couple going at it in the median. Nothing.
Nothing but traffic.
It still makes no sense to me, so like all good Americans, I must find someone to blame for this major incovenience I endured.
Thus, I point the finger at you, if you, too, are a lolly-loo. | |
Go tell it on the mountain
Written by FullMetal Alchemist on 2007-05-15 11:01:55
amen brother! |
Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register. |
|
Dono (15)
Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. |
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
| | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
| |
|  | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
|
|
