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Top 7 reasons to wait to remarry |
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Written by Jeff Herring, MCT
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Monday, 21 May 2007 |
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Relationship Coach Alyssa Johnson of ReMarriageSuccess.com and author of "The 7 Questions to Ask Before Saying I Do Again" tells us the top 7 reasons why you should wait to remarry.
One of the things I do on the show each week is create a top-seven list related to the topic of the week. This is usually a combination of serious and humorous tips, and we let the listeners and readers decide which ones are humorous. Even the humorous ones have useful information in them.
This week's list is "The Top 7 Signs You are Not Ready to Get Married Again."
7. After your divorce, you moved back in with your parents, who had never changed your room. Now you still haven't either. While you want to stay close to your family once married, you also want to separate from them emotionally so your "family of choice" comes first.
6. You are still married. Enough said in one sense. Beware the person that still has emotional and legal entanglements with a former spouse as they are not ready to commit to a new relationship.
5. I usually reserve No. 5 for a listener to call or email in — this person quoted me quoting Billy Joel from several shows ago — "Well, you're 21 and still your mother makes your bed. And that's too long." Independence and self-sufficiency is a sign of emotional maturity.
4. You still fight with your ex every day. This is another sign of still being emotionally connected to a former spouse. An emotional connection does not have to be where you love someone. An emotional connection can be based on negative emotion too.
3. No. 3 is usually offered by the guest. Alyssa Johnson of RemarriageSuccess.com said "You're planning on introducing your kids to their new step-parent once you both return from the honeymoon." This means you have not done the necessary work to acclimate your children to the new family. You are not ready to blend the families. According to Alyssa Johnson, author of "The 7 Questions to Ask Before Saying I Do Again," "Many first marriages stay together because of the kids, while many second marriages end because of the kids."
2. You tell anyone who will listen what a jerk your ex is. When someone constantly complains about "my crazy ex-" they are often saying much more about themselves than they are saying about their ex.
1. And the No. 1 sign that you are not ready to get married again — Your favorite saying in the whole entire world come from the late great writer Lewis Grizzard who said "I'm never getting married again. I'm just going to find a woman (person) I hate and give them my house." If you are still this angry about your previous marriage, you are clearly not ready for the next one.
And that ladies and gentlemen, are the top seven signs you are not ready to get married again.
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For more tips and tools for keep your relationship strong or for tuning it up, you are invited to visit http://www.SecretsofGreatRelationships.com Listen to Jeff's weekly Relationship Radio Show each Thursday in Atlanta at 5 pm Eastern on www.RadioSandySprings.com
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Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist. E-mail him at
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