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Paris is your obsession not mine |
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Written by Barry Koltnow, MCT
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Monday, 11 June 2007 |
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I have way too much free time on my hands so, like about 90 percent of the general population, I write a blog.
My blog is called "Takes on Hollywood," and you can find it at blogs.ocregister.com/barry. If you read mine, I'll read yours.
The reason I mention my blog, which I update on a regular basis (when I'm not playing softball or writing feature stories and columns like this for a real newspaper), is that more than a few readers have taken me to task recently for being obsessed with young women.
Specifically, they think I'm obsessed with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.
They may be right, but I have a good excuse. You made me do it. That's right; I'm pointing an accusatory finger at you. I am shifting blame away from myself, which is what any good columnist does.
The reason I refuse to take the hit on this matter is that I believe that it is you, not I, who is obsessed with these young women. And I believe that I can prove it.
Allow me to guide you through a personal tour of the Google search engine.
As of this writing — let's call it Thursday afternoon because, well, it is Thursday afternoon — if you were to Google the name Paris Hilton, you would find more than 60 million entries, up from 53 million just the night before.
There is nothing like a blatant disregard for fairness in the criminal-justice system to jack up a person's Google numbers. It has the same effect as a celebrity traffic accident, a celebrity drug bust or a celebrity driving-under-the-influence conviction. Notice a recurring theme here?
To put those 60 million entries in perspective, here is the number of entries you would find if you typed in the following names:
1. Thomas Jefferson: 19,500,000
2. Martin Luther King: 11,700,000
3. Albert Einstein: 10,500,000
4. Abraham Lincoln: 2,290,000
5.KofiAnnan: 2,290,000
6. Alexander Graham Bell: 1,970,000
7. Winston Churchill: 1,920,000
8. Queen Elizabeth II: 1,900,000
9. Dalai Lama: 1,860,000
10. Neil Armstrong: 1,780,000
11. Christopher Columbus: 1,680,000
12. Mahatma Gandhi: 1,650,000
13. Nelson Mandela: 1,600,000
14. Pope BenedictXVI: 1,500,000
15. Doctors Without Borders: 1,460,000
16. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis: 1,440,000
17. Mother Teresa: 1,360,000
18. Dr. Jonas Salk: 499,000
19. Dr. Michael DeBakey: 226,000
20. Roger D. Kornberg: 130,000
Admit it, you have no idea who that last guy is. And I'm not going to tell you. Google him and find out for yourself. But I can assure you that he has never starred on a television reality show with Nicole Richie, never coined the phrase "That's hot" and never, ever charged a six-figure appearance fee just to show up at a glitzy nightclub opening.
He is a very serious individual, one who should be admired and respected, yet you're only mildly curious about him, if at all. But Paris Hilton is the most curious subject on the planet right now, and I think that says a lot about your priorities.
I am merely here to serve as a mirror. I reflect back what you want to read about.
Some of those same readers who feel that I am obsessed with Paris and Lindsay also suggest that I write only about trivial things. They think I should write about more serious matters.
But my blog is not called "Takes on Iraq" or "Takes on Darfur," is it?
Yes, I write about silly matters and silly people. That is the nature of my beat. Don't look so smug — it is the nature of your curiosity.
Paris Hilton may drive you absolutely crazy. She may make you want to strangle her. But you keep reading about her. No matter what is written, you will read it. You can't help yourself.
You may respond that she is merely a distraction from the harshness of real life. You may say that she is an innocent diversion from the horrible news that confronts you daily on TV and on the front page of newspapers.
And I think there is some truth to that. The hotel heiress is not unlike a cartoon character like Bugs Bunny who gets hit on the head with an anvil falling from a cliff, causing us to laugh hysterically. The reason is that we know that Bugs is only a cartoon character and no one is really getting hurt.
Sadly, too many of us think that people like Paris Hilton are cartoon characters who don't get hurt.
But she and Lindsay and Nicole and Britney are real people. They can be hurt like real people. They can be arrested like real people. And they can be incarcerated like real people.
And that's where the comparison to real people apparently ends. A real person would never have been allowed to leave the Los Angeles County Jail to spend the night in her Hollywood Hills mansion.
___
Barry Koltnow:
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