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The Single Life - The Single Life |
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Written by Leah Keintz
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Thursday, 14 June 2007 |
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Page 1 of 2
 The pressure is on — you’re getting older, everyone around you is in a relationship and finding your soul mate is the top priority... or is it?
Today, more singles are taking a different route.
People are staying single, avoiding the entire dating process altogether, or they’re in relationships but aren’t willing to walk down the aisle just yet. Many singles attribute the longer waiting period to fear of divorce, but others said relationships are taking a back seat — at least initially — to interests such as careers and traveling.
Most likely it is a combination of factors that create this pattern.
“A lot of people are waiting and making sure they get their own goals met until they get a life partner,” said Brook Bretthauer, a couples and family psychotherapist and Human Development and Family Studies teacher at Colorado State University. “The healthier you are to yourself, the healthier your relationships are, and people aren’t looking for someone to complete them as much.”
 Bretthauer, 27, is one of the trendsetters who made a conscious decision not to get married until she’s ready.
“The longer I wait to choose a partner, the better partnerships I have,” Bretthauer said. “I now feel like I have enough awareness and knowledge to make a good choice for myself. It’s finding what works for you, and for every person it’s just different.”
Census figures in 2000 show about 11 million people live with an unmarried partner in the United States, and there are about 100 million single adults, which is about a third of the population. These numbers increased 72 percent from 1990 and continue to rise.
“Single people feel their lifestyle is OK,” said Chris Linder, director of the Office of Women’s Programs and Studies at Colorado State University. “They are happy, but sometimes feel like they are missing something because society tells them they are. I just hope we get to a place where we value single people.”
 As singles embrace their status, more networking opportunities spring up. For instance, online groups are popular with 30- and 40-somethings who want to connect with other people who share similar interests. One of these groups is MeetUp.com, which has established a strong base in northern Colorado.
Kevin Byrd started the Fort Collins social and sports club, which is one of the many groups on MeetUp.
“I just moved back here from Austin where they have a lot of recreational groups,” said Byrd, a 35-year-old single from Fort Collins. “People want a group like this to meet new people and make friends. There’s no pressure and everyone is welcome.”
Angela Mackey, a 28-year-old Fort Collins resident, began her own coffee “MeetUp” group after she noticed the same void in the area as Byrd.
“It’s very hard to meet people and many people don’t want to meet someone at a bar,” Mackey said. “It’s more of a constructive gathering, and you know right off the bat that you have something in common with everyone, which is great.”
 From the moment Byrd set up his social and sports club, interest was high. With 16 members at the start, the meet up skyrocketed to about 130 members today. He said that while 85 percent of the members are single, the main priority of the members is enjoy life and meet new people.
“A lot of the people are from out of town who are also just trying to find a way to make some new friends,” Byrd said.
For those looking to settle down, marriage is not the only option.
Many of those couples want to publicly declare their commitment to each other without jumping through the legal hoops of marriage.
“I just got an e-mail from (some friends) about their commitment ceremony, and not once did they mention the words husband and wife or marriage,” Linder said. “So many people in heterosexual relationships choose not to get married.”
Many people choose not to go through the marriage process because they are making a political statement, the government prevents them from going through the process, or marriage is just not appealing to them.
“There is such a heavy load placed on marriage,” said Nicky Grist, executive director for the Alternatives to Marriage Project, an online community based in New York. “One institution can’t contain all of society’s expectations. There are thousands of reasons why people get married and many reasons why people don’t, but if you get caught up in those reasons it can lead to bad policy making.”
The tax code, for instance, can be unfair to single workers, Grist said.
“Unmarried people are not treated fairly, and marriage is no longer the primary way to define a relationship, so we as a society need to adjust,” Grist said.
Linder believes it is important to sort out the values that society places on people and the values that you place on yourself, because they are most likely different.
“It’s all about value placement,” said Linder. “If you are OK and happy then that’s what is really important. Societal norms just come from so many places.”
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ONLINE DATING SITES
An Internet search will get you to plenty of dating sites. You’ve got the well-advertised Match.com & eHarmony.com.
On MeetUp.com, you can search for other singles in northern Colorado who have similar interests.
Allaboutsinglesco.com, is a dating site that has a base in Fort Collins.
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| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
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