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Written by 3wiseasses - View Profile
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Wednesday, 20 June 2007 |
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So, the Vatican this week released the “10 Commandments for Drivers.” We thought it our obligation to post our own "Commandments for Drivers."
Here's the list:
1. You shall not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.
http://www.comcast.net/news/international/europe/index.jsp?cat=EUROPE&fn=/2007/06/19/693367.html&cvqh=itn_commandments
JARED:
These are all well and good (although No. 5 I have some issues with), but I think we need some others.
A couple of mine …
• Thou shalt not go the speed limit (or slower) in the fast lane.
• Thou shalt turn off your damn blinker after a turn.
• Thou shalt turn your stereo down enough so the rest of us don’t have to listen to your crappy music at stop lights.
• Thou shalt not be an a-hole.
The last one was for Dono.
Please add your own.
DAN:
• Thou shall not turn up your bass so loud that it splits the pavement and shatters the windows in my car as you drive by.
• Thou shall not pay more attention to your cell phone than me driving next to you.
• Thou shall sleep if you are 2 and under during long road trips (the last was for me)
JARED:
• Thou shall NOT honk at golfers who are putting as you are driving.
• When leaving a crowded event (concert, ball game, massive orgy, etc.) and two lanes of traffic are converging, one car goes from one line followed by one from the other. Don’t be a jerk about it and we can all get home to watch Cinemax.
• Thou better never rubber-neck!
DONO:
And still others:
• Thou shall not continue to inch forward at a red light once your car is three-quarters into the intersection (if the light was going to change because of you, dillhole, it would have already.)
• Thou shall not read a book while driving on Interstate 25.
• Thou shall not turn your blinker on halfway through the turn — by then, it’s too late. Just fuggetaboutit.
• Thou shall not tailgate in the righthand lane. Not that tailgating is good, but I can understand it sometimes in the fast lane. But in the righthand lane, the slow lane, get off my ass.
• Thou shall not honk your horn once a light has turned green until at least 3.743 seconds has expired. Hey, some of us react slower than others. Chill, and we’ll all be fine.
• Thou shall not be one of those schmucks who slows down traffic just because there is a car in the ditch — a car that has been there for at least 24 hours and has already been red-tagged by the state patrol.
• And thou SHALL honk at a golfer getting ready to putt. That cracks me up.
JARED:
Dono wrote:
• And thou SHALL honk at a golfer getting ready to putt. That cracks me up.
Then, thou is an a-hole …
How about these …
• If someone is trying to get into a crowded lane for some reason and you let them in ahead of you, they had just best acknowledge your generosity with a wave in the rearview mirror.
• Driving and texting don’t mix.
• “Shotgun” only counts within sight of the vehicle.
• Shotgun controls the radio but can be over-ruled by the driver.
DAN:
Thou may be an a-hole, but thou would also be pretty funny.
• Thou shall not take seven years to pull out of a space when I’m waiting for it. Yes, it’s your space. Now it’s mine. Get out.
DONO:
• Thou shall use THOU while speaking more often. It makes me feel so spiritual and proper.
• Thou shall not pass in the left lane and then immediately change into the right lane six feet in front of the car you just passed, causing said car to instantly tailgate.
• Thou shall not pass, change into the right lane, and then slow down to 5 miles an hour below the speed limit.
• If traffic is congested in all lanes, thou shall pull thy head out of thy bum and realize that constantly switching lanes, passing on the right, and tailgating will not result in you getting there any faster.
JARED:
Amen Brother!
DONO:
• And one last one, one that may be my biggest pet peeve of all:
Thou shall use the damn merge lane. Don't just sit there at the turn, with a quarter-mile of clear asphalt in front you, and back up traffic while you wait to get into the righthand lane. What the hell do you think the merge lane is there for? And why do you think they call it the MERGE lane! It's there so you can get up to speed and MERGE, not back up traffic for two blocks because you're too much of a putz to use the MERGE lane.
Whooh. I feel better. | |
all thou....
Written by BriansBLog on 2007-06-23 21:17:54
thou shalt not wait for written invitation to merge! |
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3 Wise-asses (15)
writen by: 3wiseasses
We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. |
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
| | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
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