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Entering the Celebrity Zone |
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Written by Barry Koltnow, MCT
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Monday, 02 July 2007 |
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Let's imagine for a moment that you are a celebrity.
Not just any celebrity, mind you, but a big movie star with a very big movie about to hit theaters.
Of course, you will want to promote your new movie. In fact, you have to promote your new movie. It says so right there in the multimillion-dollar contract you signed with the studio a couple of years ago.
But there is that embarrassing episode a few months ago that involved the police/courts/ex-spouse (pick one) and your use of drugs/alcohol/violence (pick one) and your subsequent stay in jail/rehab/a psychiatric ward (pick one).
While you must meet with the media to promote your movie, you would rather not be grilled about your recent difficulties by an endless procession of inquisitive interviewers.
You have gone out of your way to avoid the media in the months since the incident by shunning such obvious media events as red-carpet premieres, awards shows and trendy nightclub openings.
But, since you are contractually obligated to sell your movie, you don't have much of a choice, do you?
Well, what was formerly a sticky situation is no problem at all with the exponential expansion of celebrity-based media publications and TV shows. Where a spotlight-shy celebrity once had to negotiate a gantlet of intimidating journalists determined not to leave any dirty laundry unwashed, it is now possible to promote a movie through a network of celebrity-friendly interviewers who are more than willing to please in the pursuit of higher TV ratings.
For lack of a better term, let's call this the Celebrity Safety Zone — a territory that is long on good cheer and short on stomach acid.
The Zone can be divided into three classifications. In descending order of shamelessness, they are "The Love Fest," "The Easy Button" and "The Real Journalistic (Wink, Wink) Interview."
Among the purveyors of the first category are Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Regis Philbin and the ladies of "The View."
Oprah is not only the queen of daytime television, she is also the queen of the schmooze celebrity interview. I suppose it's possible that a woman of such intelligence could love every movie featured on her talk show, and that every celebrity who appears on her show is her best friend who just turned in the most spectacular performance in the history of the cinema. It could happen.
This woman does a lot of good with her show, and she tackles subjects that other talk-show hosts shrink from, but she can get downright giddy in the presence of a celebrity. If I were a movie star, I would enjoy going on her show.
I would enjoy going on Ellen's show. This likable talk-show host is so grateful to get celebrities that she rarely even asks them any questions, let alone tough questions. She wants everybody to be happy, and no one is happier than the celebrities who appear on her show.
Like Ellen, Regis and the women of "The View" (I'd name them but the hosts change every day, and I'm writing this column three days before it'll be published) aren't really interviewers. Regis likes to joke with his celebrity guests, and the "View" hosts are only interested in asking celebrities what they think of the "hot topics" being discussed on the show. Celebrities are more than happy to discuss other people's problems.
"The Easy Button" is represented by the kings of late-night television, Jay Leno and David Letterman. We'd mention Jimmy Kimmel, but we don't care to mention him.
Leno and Letterman are the worst interviewers on the planet, but no one expects them to ask insightful questions of their celebrity guests. These guys are comedians, and the audience expects only that they entertain. There are exceptions but those moments are played for laughs, as in Leno's memorable query to Hugh Grant following his encounter with a prostitute: "What were you thinking?"
The question got a big laugh, and Grant was off the hook forever. He knew that going in because he had entered the Celebrity Safety Zone.
Finally, there is the entertainment interview masking as real journalism, practiced at its highest level by the likes of Larry King, Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer.
There is a reason that Paris Hilton ran to King's show after her $1 million deal with NBC fell through. She knew it would be an experience that would not tax even her brain. That's why a lot of troubled celebrities seek out King and Sawyer (Michael Jackson). It seems like a courageous move to the public, but celebrities know the real story.
And Walters, despite her impressive credentials from her former life as a real newsperson and her knack for making people cry, is not much better.
Anwar Sadat was a long time ago. Now Barbara only wants to make nice with her celebrity guests. And they know it.
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Barry Koltnow:
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