|
Why successful women fall for losers |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Written by Jessica Yadegaran, MCT
|
|
Friday, 06 July 2007 |
|
|
|
|
In Katherine Heigl's new film, "Knocked Up," the "Grey's Anatomy" star and Botticelli beauty plays a successful career girl who has a one-night stand with an unemployed, slobbish slacker. When she becomes pregnant, the two reunite and eventually fall in love.
In pop culture, this isn't the first time the loser gets the girl. Think of John Cusack in "Say Anything," Jason Schwartzman in "Shop Girl" and almost every Adam Sandler comedy. For Type-A women at the top of their game, what's the allure?
"They're safe and fun," says Dana Ovadia of Walnut Creek, Calif. "You feel like you're still living in your youth when you're with a guy like that."
Ovadia, who heads to nursing school in the fall, says she has friends who justify dating losers, even if they're "terrible" boyfriends.
"I have friends who say, 'I'm not going to marry him or anything, I'm just having fun,"" she says.
In "Knocked Up," Allison Scott (Heigl) is a newly promoted, on-air correspondent for E! Entertainment Television, and a fox. Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) is a slovenly pothead who stays home watching movies with his fellow slacker roommates. Their goal in life is to launch a Web site listing when and where actresses appear nude in movies.
Ben is the first to admit that Allison is too good for him ("You're prettier than I am"), but he is also sweet, funny and honest. While their yin and yang makes for great comedic entertainment, experts say there is something to the pairing of underachieving men and overachieving women.
Part of it, says Lynda Phelps, a college and career adviser, stems from the fact that women are more successful and empowered than ever. They outnumber men in college, a statistical flip of the past 20 years, and they're raising children alone, buying homes and running businesses.
"Things have changed a lot," says Phelps. "Women have become extreme overachievers, and with that stress and pressure comes the need to relax. It can be totally relaxing to be with someone who is carefree, adventurous and doesn't take themselves that seriously."
In some cases, Phelps says, that side of them has never been touched, and these men help them tap into that.
"Sometimes we're so programmed that we forget to have any fun," she says. "It makes me so sad for women today because you don't want to be so overachieving that you forget to smell the roses."
Lafayette, Calif., psychologist Suzanne Dudeck says there are endless reasons why high-achieving women choose laid-back men.
"These loser types make wonderful dates," she says. "They are charming. They will call. They'll say, 'I felt something.' They send the flowers. They ask your opinion. And the women love it."
Ditto from the guy's perspective.
"Successful women are sexy," says college student Reed Sutter, of Pleasant Hill, Calif. "They're in control and know what they want."
Women like it, too, says Dudeck, but it's a fairly new phenomenon.
"We girls of the 1960s didn't have strong role models," she says. "So we needed to prove that we could do it all. Go to college, become something like boys, be it lawyers or doctors, and cook and sew and garden and entertain and still be caretakers."
In proving that they can do a million tasks at once, Dudeck says, women get approval. She calls this a sociological and cultural shift, and a role reversal between men and women.
"We need what the men needed back then, approval and recognition," she says. "Instead of bragging about what their husbands do, which women still do, now they brag about us. They're impressed to be with us. The more there's acceptance for women in high-powered jobs, the more the men like to snag one of us."
Shannon Walpole doesn't feel right passing judgment on less-than-professional guys. After all, she says, you can't help who you fall in love with. Still, the Walnut Creek, Calif., lawyer does believe their unions with overachieving women are challenging.
"It's rare for those relationships to be successful, because your core values have to be the same," she says.
That was Leah Reeves' experience. Reeves, who works in medical sales, for five years dated a guy whom she defines as a loser.
"He was a bad boy, and all the girls wanted to date him," says Reeves, on business in Walnut Creek from Portland. "My family tried to be supportive, but they knew he was a loser."
Said bad boy dropped out of college, and, after a stint in the Army, settled into a graveyard shift job at an adult video store.
"It finally hit me then," Reeves says. "It wasn't going to work out for us."
___
LOVEABLE LOSERS
Pop culture is rife with losers we love. Here's a rundown from TV and film:
• Sonny Koufax (Adam Sandler), "Big Daddy" (1999)
Why he's a loser: He's lazy, unemployed and eats pizza all day.
But then again ... He adopts a kid.
• Jeffrey Lebowski, the Dude (Jeff Bridges), "The Big Lebowski" (1998)
Why he's a loser: He's always stoned and slovenly.
But then again ... His mild manner is welcome in a cast of mobsters and druggies.
• Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons" (1989-present)
Why he's a loser: He drinks too much, works too little and is always getting into mischief.
But then again ... He's devoted to Marge and the kids and holds down a steady job.
• Randolph Dupree (Owen Wilson), "You, Me and Dupree" (2006)
Why he's a loser: Best man moves in with newlyweds, sleeps naked on their leather couch and almost burns the house down.
But then again ... He's a charmer with those baby blues. Plus, the kids seem to like him.
• Jeremey Kraft (Jason Schwartzman), "Shopgirl" (2005)
Why he's a loser: He's jobless, clueless about women, and takes off on a road trip as a rock band's groupie.
But then again ... On the road trip, he listens to self-help tapes on relating to women.
• Dewey Finn (Jack Black), "School of Rock" (2003)
Why he's a loser: He's a slob and assumes his roommate's identity to get a job.
But then again ... He's passionate about music and teaching it to kids.
• George Costanza (Jason Alexander), "Seinfeld" (1990-1998)
Why he's a loser: He's cheap, selfish, a killjoy and lives with his parents.
But then again ... He's loyal to his friends (most of the time).
• Andy Stitzer (Steve Carell), "40-Year-Old Virgin" (2005)
Why he's a loser: He's 40 and a virgin.
But then again ... He's sincere, good with kids and looking for a commitment.
• Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack), "Say Anything" (1989)
Why he's a loser: All he thinks about is kickboxing.
But then again ... He holds a boombox blasting Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" above his head to serenade a girl.
• John Winger (Bill Murray), "Stripes" (1981)
Why he's a loser: After his girlfriend leaves him, he's unemployed and joins the Army because of an ad on TV.
But then again ... He defeats the communists. | Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register. |
|
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
|  | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
| |
|  | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
|
|
