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Most important No.1 tip for couples |
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Written by Jeff Herring, MCT
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Monday, 09 July 2007 |
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Recently I was able to spend a week in Denver, Colorado at the 11th Annual SmartMarriages.com Conference. Smart Marriages is an organization dedicated to improving relationships for both couples and singles.
The event was a who's who of the relationship coaching and education world, and I had the privilege of interviewing many of the presenters and exhibitors. You can hear many of them in the coming weeks on my Relationship Radio Show at www.RadioSandySprings.com.
I asked each relationship expert for their No. 1 tip for singles and their No. 1 tip for couples. Last week's column focused on the No. 1 tips for singles, and this week we'll continue with the No. 1 tips for couples.
No. 1 tips for couples
David Steele is the author of "Conscious Dating — Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World" and the founder of the Relationship Coaching Institute. David's No. 1 tip for couples is to take responsibility for your own part in the relationship.
While this may sound easy to do, it can be quite a challenge. We are in a culture in which we are taught to blame others for our problems. This really plays out strongly in relationships. The reality is you cannot change someone else, no matter how hard you try. The starting point for bring about change in your relationship is for you to take 100 percent adult responsibility for your part, your emotions, your contributions, actions, reactions and responses.
Nili Sachs is the author of "Booby Trapped — How to Feel Normal in a Breast-Obsessed World. Nili's most important tip for couples uses the metaphor of gift giving. When each person in the relationship thinks of their partner as a gift they receive and thinks of themselves as a gift they give their partner, good things are bound to happen.
The husband and wife team of Joe and Michelle Williams are the authors of "Yes, Your Marriage Can Be Saved — 12 Truths for Rescuing Your Relationship." Joe says that most men are driven to provide until they perish while most women are driven to provide peace until they fall to pieces. It I only through their focus on their faith that a couple can meet each other's needs in a long term sustainable relationship.
Scott Haltzman is the author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Men" and the soon to be launched, you guessed it "Secrets of Happily Married Women."
Scott's has found that the No. 1 emotional need of women is to fell like they are No. 1 in the eyes of their partner while the No. 1 emotional need for men is to feel like they are super heros in the eyes of their partner.
Susan Heitler is the author of "The Power of Two — Secrets to a Strong & Loving Marriage." Susan's has a great tip for couple — take emotional responsibility for your relationship and pour on the positive.
The husband and wife team of Tom and Beverly Rodgers are the authors of "The Singlehood Phenomenon" and have this tip to offer couples — Marriage is designed to be a "soul healing experience" for both partners. The vulnerability necessary for this soul healing to take place is a powerful form of intimacy and results in a win-win for the couple.
The husband and wife team of David and Claudio Arp are the authors of "!0 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage." The Arps No. 1 tip for couples is to be and remain friends. In fact, research shows that the couple that keeps a strong friendship is much more likely to stay together, and stay together happily.
One last tip before we wrap this one up. Our last tip comes from another husband and wife team, Jesse and Melva Thomas Johnson. The Johnson's are the authors of "Mining for Gold in Your Relationships." The Johnson's most important tip for couples is to know and meet the emotional needs of your partner. You find this information out by asking and then finding ways to meet these needs.
Well there you have it folks, the No. 1 tip for couples from 8 of the best relationship experts out there.
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Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist. E-mail him at
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