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Posh Spice, David Beckam perfectly annoying |
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Written by Celia Rivenbark, MCT
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Tuesday, 24 July 2007 |
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They've barely even moved into their West Coast castle and already I'm sick to death of Posh and "Becks," she of the perpetually peeved expression and he of the $250 million dollar ankle injury. Right. We needed them like a supper of warm beer and tongue casserole. Thanks Mother Country! We haven't been this excited since you sent us Simon Cowell. (Although, to be fair, big sloppy smooches for sending us "The Office").
Not being a particular fan of soccer or skinny broads (you could comb your hair with Posh's backbone), the Perfect Couple, currently being celebrated in a painfully posed "look how happy and sexy we are" photo shoot for "W" magazine just doesn't do it for me.
Posh is pretty enough, I guess, in a sort of '60s Troll doll way, although I liked my doll better cuz her hair was blue AND orange. She pouts (naturally) that Americans think she scowls too much and has vowed to try to smile more. Oh, thank God! Finally a celebrity who is truly going to give back!
The only good news is that an NBC reality series based on Posh scowl-smiling her way through life in Beverly Hills for week after week apparently died for lack of a second. Instead, the network teases, we may be treated to occasional glimpses into the Fabulous Lives of Posh and Becks via occasional hour-long primetime specials.
Oh, this just in: I have to wash my hair that night.
What's that? You didn't say what night?
Doesn't matter.
David Beckham, apparently a nice enough chap, has been lured to the States to play soccer for the Los Angeles Galaxy. I don't want to say that the team isn't fantastic, but I believe Becks is replacing the guy who played "Squiggy" on "Laverne & Shirley" back in the day.
Clearly, this was a team in need of some star power with tantalizing two-day stubble. Beckham, I seem to remember from a while-ago movie, inspired an entire generation of polite young Indian girls to want to "bend it," whatever that means. Sadly, no sooner than he got to Los Angeles to play, Becks aggravated a previous ankle injury (perhaps while posing in those goofy positions for "W" with the missus and her riding crop) and was described as "day to day." Yes, well, aren't we all? The difference being that he still gets to collect a million dollars a week, literally, while our "day to day" is decidedly less glamorous and probably involves laundry and the heating of chicken nuggets in the toaster oven.
Not that we're bitter.
Posh and Becks, welcome to America. You make us miss daily Lindsey Lohan updates. Almost.
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Celia Rivenbark is the author of "Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like A Skank." Readers may contact her at
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