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'Mr. Woodcock' movie review |
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Written by Rick Bentley, MCT
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Thursday, 13 September 2007 |
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 If Dante Alighieri was writing these days about his travels through the levels of hell in "The Divine Comedy" he would have to go just a little deeper to find the place where those involved with "Mr. Woodcock" belong.
There certainly isn't a vile enough punishment on Earth for them.
"Mr. Woodcock" is a cruel, loathsome, worthless piece of garbage for which anyone who buys a ticket should be handed a written apology. Then again, there is nothing that could be said that would justify this mess.
Billy Bob Thornton, whose acting efforts have the consistency of Britney Spear's underwear selection, hits a new low as the film's title character. Mr. Woodcock is a middle school gym teacher who believes in a teaching philosophy based on physical and verbal abuse and public humiliation.
The highlight of this educator's day is making a young man with asthma run laps to improve his condition. He's the kind of guy who would dump a legless person out of a wheelchair and tell them to "walk it off."
John Farley (Seann William Scott) was one of the young men abused by Mr. Woodcock 13 years ago. He's grown up to be the successful author of a self-help book.
Bad memories come flooding back when Farley returns to his hometown to pick up an award. He discovers that his mother (Susan Sarandon) is in a heated relationship with Mr. Woodcock. Farley does the mature thing and sets out to save his mother from the gym teacher ghoul.
This all might have mattered if the script by first-time writers Michael Carnes and Josh Gilbert had shown even a glimpse of originality. The movie is just left over jokes from Thornton's "School for Scoundrels" and "Bad News Bears."
The so-called jokes are plopped into a script that has all the logic of Donald Trump's hair styling. If Woodcock is supposed to be so bad you would think at least one other person would come to Farley's side.
The closet thing is Ethan Suplee's portrayal of Farley's idiot friend. His work might have been funny if the character didn't look like he had wondered over from the set of "My Name Is Earl." No one stretches any acting muscles in this movie, so why should Suplee be any different?
It would be easy to suggest that the punishment for being sent to the lowest level of hell would be a steady dose of watching "Mr. Woodcock." But even hell has its standards.
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MR. WOODCOCK
Grade: F
Rated PG-13 for adult content. Stars Billy Bob Thornton, Seann William Scott, Susan Sarandon. Directed by Craig Gillespie. Running time: 1 hour, 27 minutes.
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