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The positive of Britney's life |
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Written by Barry Koltnow, MCT
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Monday, 17 September 2007 |
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If you are of a certain age, Britney Spears is your generation's pop icon.
My condolences.
Unfortunately, she defines your generation. She sets the fashion style for your generation. Her music provides the trigger points of your generation's memories. And her antics and foibles influence how other generations judge your generation.
I'll bet you wish you hadn't bought all her records and made her a star, huh?
Not that any other generation's pop icons were perfect. Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley and the Beatles had their fair share of imperfections. And Michael Jackson is in a category by himself.
But I don't think any of them can be compared with the disappointment of Britney.
It's a waste of time and space to describe the reasons for the disappointment. If you still read newspapers and magazines, watch entertainment news programs on television or check the Web regularly, you are well aware of her many problems.
The badly botched comeback bid on last week's MTV Video Music Awards telecast was only the latest in a long line of missteps.
After that disastrous performance — and I'm being extremely generous by calling it a performance — the media carved her up like a Thanksgiving turkey, and I confess that I was among them. She was vilified to such a degree that I eventually started to feel sorry for her.
Therefore, I have decided to change my ways and accentuate the positive aspects of Britney's life. I will downplay the negative, at least in this column. I am going to offer a list of everything Britney has done right in the last few years. Don't laugh. There are things she's done right. For instance:
She didn't sing another song on the MTV telecast. The rumors coming out of Las Vegas in the days before the live broadcast was that she was scheduled to sing a second tune, presumably from her new album, which hits stores in mid-November. That's because the geniuses at MTV, the guys who thought it was a good idea to have her open the show in the first place, thought her appearance would be a headline-grabbing event. And they were right. They got what they wanted. They got a lot of people talking about their awards show. Of course, most people were talking about how bad the show was, but at least they were talking about it.
She didn't have a third child with Kevin Federline. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that there is no way she'd ever have a third child with her deadbeat ex-husband. But keep in mind that she was dumb enough to have one child with him, and then apparently liked the idea enough to have another kid with the guy. Now she's paying for that decision in court, where Federline is suing for custody and presumably more money. His $20,000-a-month spousal support runs out in November, and I'm sure that has nothing to do with his court fight.
She didn't make "Crossroads 2." OK, she probably didn't have a choice because the original film did so badly that no one in Hollywood would have financed a sequel. On the other hand, Britney makes a lot of money ($737,000 a month, according to court documents) and she could have financed the film herself. But she didn't, and that was something she did right.
She didn't shave her head earlier in her career. I'm trying to picture the music video of her best-selling single "Baby One More Time" with her dancing down that hallway in the provocative school uniform and a shaved head instead of blond pigtails. Maybe it's because I'm old, but I don't think it would have achieved the same level of success.
She started wearing underwear. According to photographers who follow her around 24 hours a day and live for the moment when they can take a picture of her getting out of a car with her legs in a very unladylike position, she is now fully clothed, or as close as she's going to get to fully clothed. We should be thankful for the underwear.
She hasn't attacked anyone with an umbrella in a long time. Perhaps the assault on the photographer had an impact, and she hasn't had to resort to violence since then.
She hasn't kissed Madonna on television is almost five years. It's the little things we forget to appreciate.
Finally, Britney has been kind enough to make us feel better about ourselves. Who hasn't looked at her life and thought: "Money can't buy happiness?" Who hasn't looked at her life and thought: "Hey, my daughter's not as messed up as I thought?" And who hasn't looked at her life and thought: "Is that girl crazy or what?"
We love you, Britney. Keep accentuating the positive.
___
Barry Koltnow:
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