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Written by Jeff Herring, MCT
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Monday, 17 September 2007 |
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Recently on my weekly Relationship Radio Show on www.RadioSandySprings.com in Atlanta, I had the privilege of interviewing relationship coach Bj Moorer. Bj has a bit of a different view of the relationship world.
So Bj's interesting take on relationships is best summed up by the title of her brand new ebook "Love, Lies, Men and Women: The Lies We Tell and the Damage They Do"
In the series she is creating, Bj looks at the lies men tell women, the lies women tell men, and the lies couples tell each other about their relationship. While Bj covers all the different types of lies, you must start somewhere, and Bj begins in Volume 1 of her series with the lies men tell women.
That was the topic of my recent interview with her, and now we'll take a look at the top 5 lies men tell women.
Lie 1 — "I'll call you tomorrow" — Men say this so often, and get away with it, because women want to believe it. Bj's advice is to not wait by the phone for the call and go live your life. If the call does not come in the first few days, it is not coming. Move on.
Lie 2 — "I love you" — Too bad this is a common lie that reduces the value of some precious words. Bj' warning is that when it is said too soon in a relationship it is often an attempt at controlling the other person.
Lie 3 — "I'm not married" — The problem is most men say this and most adult men are married so you do the math. If you have a gut feeling that you are being lied to about this, ask for his home phone number and see how he responds.
Lie 4 — "No one understands me like you do" — This one can be designed to get you to feel sorry for him. You know for certain that this is just massive manipulation when it is closely followed by a large request such as borrowing money or asking to move in with you.
Lie 5 — "I'm not seeing anyone else" — Well, maybe. Pay attention to when and how this information is offered in a relationship. Just like some of the other lies, offering this information too soon or when it is not requested is a huge warning sign that someone is trying to pull the wool over your eyes.
One powerful piece of advice offered by coach Bj is to trust your gut instinct. If something is not making sense or adding up, pursue it. Don't try to talk yourself out of it or excuse your intuition away. Pay attention.
When you go to Bj's Web site at www.RelationshipAdviceHeadquarters you can get her brand new "Relationship Start Up Guide" absolutely free of charge.
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You can also check out www.SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for more tips and tools for your relationships.
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Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist. E-mail him at
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