|
|
|
Written by Barry Koltnow
|
|
Thursday, 03 January 2008 |
|
|
|
|
Forget the best movies, here are the worst.
Here’s how I think it happened.
Mel Brooks and his beautiful wife, the late actress Anne Bancroft, walked out of a movie theater one night in disbelief.
MEL: “Boy, that was the worst movie I’ve ever seen.”
ANNE: “It was pretty bad.”
MEL: “It was so bad, it almost seemed intentional.”
ANNE: “Oh, I don’t think anyone sets out to make a bad movie.”
MEL: “I’ll bet they do. I’m going to write a movie about two guys who intentionally set out to make the worst movie ever made. I’m going to call “it ‘The Producers.’”
ANNE: “Why don’t they set out to make the worst Broadway musical ever made, and then years later, you can make a Broadway musical out your movie?”
MEL: “That’s a great idea. And then I could make the Broadway musical into a bad movie musical and complete the circle.”
ANNE: “You’re a genius, Mel.”
MEL: “I know. Want to see me do a spit take?”
I don’t believe that Mel Brooks intentionally set out to make a bad movie musical. But I wonder about some other producers. During the course of a year, I have to sit through some truly horrible movies, and I use the time on the way to the parking structure to try to figure out what went wrong.
Was it a bad script, an inexperienced director or a group of indifferent actors out for a quick and easy paycheck? It could be a combination of those factors, or perhaps a producer who just didn’t know any better. I’d hate to think that anyone set out to make a bad movie, although that is almost less discouraging than the alternative — that some really incompetent people are being given blank checks to make movies.
Whatever the causes of a bad movie, there are plenty of bad movies to choose from when compiling a list of the worst movies of the year. Of course, such a list is completely subjective on my part. There may be people who disagree with my choices. In fact, I am sure that some people will complain because a few of these movies were modest hits so obviously someone must have liked them.
However, I apologize for nothing on this list. Each selection represents a period of time that I will never get back in my life. They were so bad that I fear that I may actually think of them in my final moments of consciousness, thereby wasting even more precious time on them.
If I am fortunate, this will be the last time I ever have to mention them.
In no particular order, here are my choices for the worst movies of 2007:
1. “Code Name: The Cleaner” - Gee, I really like Cedric the Entertainer, and I was happy that he got his chance to star on the big screen. I wish he had been more selective because this really stunk up the joint.
2. “Reno 911: Miami” - How could they mess this one up? They had a really funny TV show to draw from, and all they had to do was add some nudity. Isn’t that all we want from a movie inspired by a TV show?
3. “Wild Hogs” - This movie’s success continues to boggle the mind. It had genuine star power, and I suppose some people are influenced by that, but this so-called comedy was dreadful. You could almost see the contrivances being planned as you watched it.
4. “The Last Mimzy” - I know for a fact that this was a pet project of a studio honcho, so how could he have been so wrong? He really wanted this one to work, but I guess the people around him were too scared to tell him the truth.
5. “Georgia Rule” - As is often the case, the scandalous stories leaking from the movie set (Lindsay Lohan’s partying ways) were infinitely more interesting than the movie they were making. Some dentists have replaced the use of Novocaine with snippets from this movie during painful tooth extractions.
6. “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” - They did it for the money.
7. “Evan Almighty” - How could Steve Carell be so good, and his movie still be so bad? That question had heads scratching from one coast to the other.
8. “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” - Easily the most offensive movie of the year. And don’t let people tell you it was a guilty pleasure, or that it was just politically incorrect. It was offensive and, worse yet, not funny.
9. “Southland Tales” - It was not only bad, but it was long. Is there any greater offense in the civilized world? One of its stars confessed that even he didn’t understand it. I don’t think there was anything to understand.
10. “Delta Farce” - Do I really need to explain?
—————
The best pop and rock albums of 2007
The best of 2007: television | Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register. |
|
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
|  | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
| |
|  | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
|
|
