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Written by 3wiseasses - View Profile
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Friday, 18 January 2008 |
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Jared:
We were chatting about this at poker the other day… I think we need the worst hair metal lyrics of all time. (This will get us out of the serious discussion Dan started on censorship … err, I mean protecting our children from gross stuff!
Dan:
YES YES YES! Let’s do it now, actually, while I still have time, and Dono can post it in a couple of weeks, if he’s capable of advance planning like this. I just don’t want you guys to do it without me.
By the way, I disagree with these two:
6. Toto - "Africa"
"The wild dogs cry out in the night/As they grow restless longing for some solitary company/I know that I must do what's right/Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti"
10. Black Sabbath - "War Pigs"
"Generals gathered in their masses/Just like witches at black masses"
You could make a case for Toto but I like the Kilimanjaro reference and there’s nothing wrong with those lyrics.
Plus War Pigs? Bullshit! That’s awesome! I’m serious! Especially the way Ozzy sings it.
OK, on to the blog. Here goes....
“She’s my cherry pie. Cool Drink of Water Such a Sweet Surprise. Tastes so good make a grown man cry. Sweet Cherry Pie.” - Warrant, “Cherry Pie.”
2. “Everytime you lick my hand
my heart begins to kick
towards the fire we start to dance
burning with each kiss
Tears like a virgin,
the first time from your eyes
you turn out to be
all I desire
CHORUS:
when i want love, i call on you
when i want love, i run to you
you're something more than a sweet romance
I just get one taste of you
bang go the bells”
Babylon A.D.
3. Let's get naughty naughty
Down & dirty
Naughty naughty
Oh I like it that way
That dress you're wearing makes you look so cute - naughty naughty
But girl you'd look better in your birthday suit
Take my hand, feel my love
Tonight's the night wer're gonna shake it up, shake it up
Naughty Naughty by Danger Danger
4. A school bell rings off the day,
brings in a stray a few girls at play.
Cut school pink slips are fine
for a good time there's boys on their mind.
At the girlschool, cause my baby broke all the rules.
Britny Fox. “Girlschool”
5. I don't need to be the king of the world
As long as i'm the hero of this little girl
Chorus:
Heaven isn't too far away
Closer to it everyday
No matter what your friends might say
Heaven, Warrant.
Some of these are obvious. I love how Warrant gets two selections without me even realizing it until I was through. You should know, too, that I like both their songs, but the lyrics really are just awful. “Heaven” is so, so sappy (there’s a reason her “friends” are bashing him) and “Cherry Pie” is just stupid. Let’s compare our baby to a fruit pie.
Britny Fox, Danger Danger and Babylon A.D. Sucked anyway. You should also know I like “Bang Go the Bells” a lot. But again, horrible lyrics. Fox and Danger Danger were just worthless, period.
I”m sure there are many, many others. Let’s hear them!
Jared:
OK, first things first … I know it’s not hair metal, but the worst lyrics of ALL-TIME are from Midnight Oil’s “Beds are Burning.” You know the lyrics. I don’t want to repeat them for fear they get stuck in my head. I HATE THIS SONG.
Now, on to metal …
“Smooth Up In Ya” by Bullet Boys
I know you really want to move me
You know I like to see you try
I've said it before and I'll say it again
You're not not trapped if you don't let me in
"Pour some sugar on me" by Def Leppard
Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
"Cum on Feel The Noize" by Quiet Riot (I know it’s a cover, but I have no idea what this means)
So I'm a scruff bag well it's no disgrace, I ain't in no hurry
And I don't know why
"The Final Countdown" by Europe
We're heading for Venus and still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us and welcome us all
With so many light years to go and things to be found
I'm sure that we'll all miss her so
Without You by Motley Crue (really this could be any hair ballad)
If I reached out and touched the rain
It just wouldn't feel the same
"Sister Christian" by Night Ranger (still don’t get this)
You're motoring
What's your price for flight,
And finding Mister Right?
You'll be all right tonight
Babe, you know you're growing up so fast
And momma's worrying that you won't last to say
Let's play
Sister Christian, there's so much in life
Don't you give it up before your time is due
It's true
It's true (Yeah)
"I want Action" by Poison
Now I'm not lookin' for a love that lasts
I need a shot and I need it fast
If I can't have her, I'll take her and make her
Give me all your lovin’ by ZZ Topp
You got to move it up and use it like a scrweball would.
You got to pack it up, work it like a new boy should.
And the greatest epitome of 80’s hair lyrics?
Lita Ford Kiss Me Deadly
"Kiss me deadly"
Went to a party last saturday night
didn't get laid i got in a fight uh-huh
it ain't no big thing
Late for my job and the traffic was bad
had to borrow 10 bucks from my old man uh-huh
it ain't no big thing
but I know what I like
I know I like dancing with you
and I know what you like
I know you like dancing with me oh yeah
CHORUS:
kiss me once
kiss me twice
come on pretty baby kiss me deadly
Had a few beers getting high
sitting watching the time go by uh_huh
it ain't no big thing
Nothing to eat and no t.v.
looking in the mirror don't get it for me uh-huh
it ain't no big thing
but I know what I like
I know I like dancing with you
and I know what you like
I know you like dancing with me oh yeah
CHORUS
CHORUS
you know i like dancing with you
dancing with you; come on
CHORUS
kiss me once kiss me twice
come on pretty baby kiss me
come on pretty baby kiss me
come on pretty baby kiss me deadly
Dan:
I agree with all of those except for Europe. Yes, the whole song’s a little stupid, but the lyrics fit within the context of the song, and it’s one of the catchiest hair metal songs of all time. It’s a great song.
But, yeah, Bullet Boys? I love it. Terrible!
And I think the Cum On thing might be a British thing. Scruff bag is probably a word they used over there. Didn’t Slade do that one? They also wrote “Run Runaway,” another song with strange lyrics. Very strange.
Jared:
Final Countdown is an OK song, scruff bag! Not great.
I realize it’s about some rocket thing or something but it’s just stupid (and not stupid in a good way like “TV Dinners” by ZZ)
And if the rule is that it fits with the rest of the lyrics then Girlschool should be fine. The whole thing is just about chicks at a girl school and how hot they are (pretty deep thoughts compared to a lot of hair lyrics)
And I know there are a lot of bad AC/DC lyrics out there, but I will excuse all of them because they freakin’ rock.
BTW, No. 2 worst all-time 80s song is Wang Chung Tonight (only saved from No. 1 because of Midnight Oil and a fantastic Cheers episode!)
Dan:
Nah, Wang Chung is fine. It’s a goofy 80s song and the band knows it. The funny thing happens is when bands are trying to be sincere, like Warrant’s “Heaven,” and it comes across just awful. Wang Chung knew they were goofy lyrics and went with it. I applaud them for that.
That’s why “Girlschool” is so terrible and in no way should be compared to “The Final Countdown.” I’m saying if you don’t like the lyrics to the Final Countdown than you don’t like the song, period. It’s a space fantasy. Britny Fox wrote a song about stupid hot private school girls, and I really think the band was serious, which makes it even worse.
God it’s a terrible song.
And Jared also brings up an interesting point. Some bands have bad lyrics but they rock! AC/DC is a great example. Kiss is another. “Beth” is crazy stupid, yet it rocks! Same with “I was made for lovin’ you.” Even “Rock and Roll All Night” really is pretty bad, but it’s such a great song.
Dono:
I’m curious. What lyrical crimes have AC/DC committed? I need examples. Big Balls? Great stuff.
Jared:
I agree Kiss had some bad lyrics. Even Metallica has some stinkos.
However, Rock and Roll All Night only has about 12 words in the whole song and if rocking all night and partying all day is a crime, I wish I was guilty!
Dan:
Hmm...I’m not sure. Probably because in our minds AC/DC really hasn’t written any bad songs even when the lyrics are stupid. So it will be hard to come up with some...
Umm....
Let’s see....
Ok I’m going to cheat... hold on...
“Sink the Pink” is pretty bad.
“Heatseeker” - I don’t need no life preserver....”
All the hell with it. I don’t know.
Dono:
Yup, I’d agree “Heatseeker” would qualify. But I like “Sink the Pink” and I would argue it’s clever rather than stupid. Then again, all the eye of the beholder.
Dan:
I think that was our point, that we consider AC/DC and Kiss clever even if you could call some of those lyrics stupid.
There’s no defending Britny Fox though.
Or “Heaven.”
“I don’t need to be the king of the world. As long as I’m the hero of this little girl.”
Dono:
Then again, that was my point: There’s a fine line between clever and stupid, and if it’s clever, it’s not stupid. A word of note, I haven’t thought that assertion all the way through, so I’ll concede right now there’s probably lots of exceptions. | |
second draft of comment (as it's clearl
Written by Tam on 2008-01-18 16:22:19
The expression scruffbag is no longer in common use in the UK (it's not even in the urban dictionary.)
However, the word scruffy is still heard every day, it means to be unitdy.
The 'bag' part, like in dirtbag and scumbag, represents a person.
I imagine the 'y' got dropped as a scruffy bag would be taken to simply mean an untidy bag.
To be untidy is not quite as extreme as being downright dirty.
So while a dirtbag is a complete degenerate, a scruff bag only exhibits such unfavourable characteristics on occasions, or to a lesser degree.
In short, a sruffbag is not quite as bad as being a dirtbag.
Indeed, to be a scruffbag is no disgrace.
P.S Evidently, I'm in no hurry | Sruff bag, an educated guess.
Written by Tam on 2008-01-18 16:05:27
Although the expression scruff bag is not in common in the United Kingdom, the word scruffy still is. It means to be unitdy.
The 'y' gets dropped to form scruff bag as a scruffy bag would be taken to simply mean an untidy bag.
The 'bag', like in dirtbag and scumbag is taken to mean a person (and not a storage solution.)
To be untidy is not quite as bad as being dirty or scummy. While a dirtbag is a complete degenerate, a scruff bag is not nearly as bad.
Indeed, to be a scruffbag is no disgrace. |
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3 Wise-asses (15)
writen by: 3wiseasses
We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. |
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
| | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
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I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
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