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Written by Jon & Jennifer
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Wednesday, 03 May 2006 |
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Q. I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month now and I’m getting mixed signals. He says he’s interested in me and wants to spend time with me. But I’m beginning to think he’s just playing me. Why? Because he said he was going out of town last weekend, but when I drove by his house, his car was there and the lights were on — and he lives alone. I haven’t confronted him about it yet. Should I ask him to explain or should I just move on?
— Signaless in Loveland
JENNIFER: You should just move on. If he had a legitimate reason to cancel the trip, then he probably would have told you. This makes me think that he simply lied to you about going away in the first place.
It’s a really bad sign if the guy is already lying to you and it has only been a month. Trust has to be the foundation of any healthy relationship and this guy is already ruining that, so do yourself a favor and find a guy that wants to be truthful and appreciates your company!
JON: I would let him know that you passed by his house and saw his car. But make sure you do it casually. If he feels like you’re giving him the third degree, he’ll definitely back off.
Is his house on the way to something, or did you have to drive out of your way to see it? I’ve had a stalker before. She was real nice, until I had to move, change my number and stop taking showers to repel her. Don’t go down that road. People kind of like to take showers.
Q. Help me! How do I get over being so shy? My friend owns a gallery and recently had an art show there. I went to support her, but because I didn’t know anyone, I clung to the wall all night long! It was horrible. I was so intimidated, I didn’t talk to anybody! What should I do? What do I say to people I don’t know? When it comes to small talk, I’m at a total loss. Where do I start?
—Too Shy in Fort Collins
JENNIFER: Are you smiling as you cling to the wall? People are more likely to approach you and initiate small talk if you have a smile on your face.
Basically, if you appear to be friendly then you’ll make more friends... imagine that! That’s a good starting point.
From there, don’t be afraid to walk around by yourself. If you can be content in your own company, you’ll come across as independent and confident, which is a very attractive quality in a person! You’re not “a total loss” in any way, so believe in yourself and acknowledge that you have an opinion that others will value.
JON: I’m a very outgoing person, but I also have a hard time when meeting new people. I usually ask simple questions to get the ball rolling. I also ask them questions of things I like to do, i.e. fly fishing, golf or playing chess. That usually strikes up enough conversation to get through the night, and it also helps you find new friends to do stuff with.
The only training our NEXTnc relationship advisors have is house training; they’re not certified counselors. They just have time on their hands. If you have a question, e-mail:
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