|
Chuck Norris: Karate chop to punch line |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Written by Knight Ridder
|
|
Wednesday, 03 May 2006 |
|
|
|
|
You’re standing at the security lines outside Gate 21 at Terminal C in Dallas/Fortworth Airport.
The ultimate goal is to reach Chuck Norris to discuss the Internet phenomenon of Chuck Norris jokes, which has caught on with students — mostly boys — ranging from middle school to college. 
A college student in Rhode Island is credited with starting the craze last summer.
Since then, Norris has reached major online stud status because of the nerdy braggadocio about the physical, intellectual and sometimes sexual prowess of The Man Who Was “Walker, Texas Ranger.”
Example: “Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.”
Or: “Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.”
In the quest to find Norris, you head to Dallas/Fort Worth Airport to find Bill Reed.
By day, Reed may be an airport screener — but among fellow stuntmen he’s “Grizzley” and, yep, he’s tough as a bear, and the stunt work he got on “Walker, Texas Ranger” he got because he can take it. (“What ain’t been broke’s been bent pretty good,” he says cheerfully.)
Grizzley says: “When Chuck hits you, it’s you who messed up.”
Grizzley says he’s aware of the Chuck jokes — and they’re not all that far off. Apparently Chuck’s proficiency in Korean martial arts and other Chuck fu is such that during a staged fight you can literally feel the air move when his fist — or foot — passes millimeters from your face. As a stuntman, you do your part and, for the rest, it’s a matter of “in Chuck you trust.” Don’t forget, Chuck’s the genuine article.
From Grizzley you learn that Chuck’s brother, Aaron, lives in Flower Mound, Texas, and that Chuck’s got a ranch nearby.
Armed with this background, it’s time to take a stab at finding Chuck.
You start off bright and early the next day, looking for Chuck Norris’ publicist. At this point, you know you don’t have anything particularly original to ask Chuck.
Hey, you think this is cool or what?
You’ll just have to hope that Chuck’s as nice as everyone says and that he’ll patiently answer that yet again.
A quick Internet search brings up other stories written about the subject, and you learn that Chuck’s publicist is a guy named Jeff Duclos. You also notice that most of the stories contain quotes from Duclos and not Norris, or Duclos-said-Norris-said-quotes.
“Yes, that’s me,” Duclos answers politely, when you cold-call him based on a Web search and ask him if this is the Jeff Duclos who represents Chuck Norris. You inform Duclos right off that you’re probably the 900th reporter who wants to ask questions about Chuck Norris jokes, and he chuckles. It hasn’t been quite the deluge of interview requests that you expect.
“It wouldn’t be necessarily daily, it would be weekly,” he says. “It’s definitely a phenomenon. He doesn’t mind it. It’s all very flattering. And some are laugh-out-loud funny.”
Nice guy, Jeff. He politely says Chuck is busy this week. Out of town. Publicizing something called the World Combat League. But send an e-mail.
So you e-mail over a few quick questions and your phone number - and cross your fingers.
You dream of Chuck’s call: “Hi, this is Chuck Norris. I heard you wanted to talk about me being an online icon ...” He tells you he’s not a real computer guy, more of an outdoorsman. You know, more “Walker”-like. (This you’re guessing, based on other stories where Chuck talks about the jokes.)
The call never comes.
Now you look for Ian Spector, credited with initiating online Chuck humor, by starting at his Web site (www.4q.cc). A short biographical page says a guy going by the alias Toad King runs the day-to-day Chuck operation, but you still e-mail Ian because the page describes him as the “head honcho.”
His site started as an homage to the actor Vin Diesel. Only after a public poll was taken did Chuck Norris become the focus of the site.
The rest of the phenomenon seems to be mostly about people copying from the site, then copying the copies, and e-mailing the copies, and so on and so forth.
Thousands of times. Millions, maybe. Who knows?
Legends, like tall tales, are stories everybody knows but nobody knows where they came from.
Like the publicist, he tells you that about a dozen reporters have interviewed him about the site.
“I try to keep schoolwork first,” he says. From his Brown University dorm room in Rhode Island, Ian works on the Chuck Norris joke Web site between computer, math and engineering classes. “I’m in a bit of a funk right now about what I’m going to do, but hopefully it ends up with med school.”
Ian says he’s got nothing for or against Chuck. “I met him, and he’s a really nice
guy.”
No, the site has not made a celebrity out of the 18-year-old from Long Island, N.Y. He does occasionally wear a T-shirt that proclaims: “People know who I am on the Internet.” His friends sometimes brag. Being “that guy” got him into exactly one party.
“As far as the site, I expect it to die off at any minute,” he says. “It’s up to the public on that one.”
Three weeks go by and nothing.
Then the publicist e-mails to say Chuck’s back from an out-of-country trip. Turns out Chuck will be holding a one-hour teleconference with college newspapers. The subject is Chuck’s new book, “The Justice Riders,” and Chuck’s career in general.
Yep, in addition to movie star, television actor, martial artist and Internet tough guy - he’s also a fiction writer.
Only two people ask questions about the book during the teleconference.
The students are armed with their Chuck jokes - and youthful questions about how it must feel to be ... superhuman?
“I tell you, it’s been quite amazing to me,” Chuck says about the jokes. He credits Spector as lead jokester. He says he has e-mails from Iraq and Afghanistan, from soldiers who exchange the jokes as they go from post to post. Good for morale.
He tells the Boogeyman joke: “When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.”
Questions range from “Why is `Walker’ so slow to come to DVD?” and “Why do you think the Bible should be taught in school?” to “Are you the third side of the Force?” One college student asks: “What could I do to become just like you?”
It’s clear that “Walker” is water under the bridge. Entertainment questions center on recent action films that use wire-work stunts. (Those are the “Matrix”-esque flying stunts that include hanging actors/stuntmen from wires to make them seem to defy gravity.) Apparently, Chuck and Bruce - that would be martial arts icon Bruce Lee - long ago opted for earthly styles. There will be no Chuck side of the Force, he says.
He is asked about late-night talk show host Conan O’Brien making jokes out of “Walker” clips. He is asked about training daytime game-show host Bob Barker - because college kids know about the “Happy Gilmore” fight scene.
He talks about teaching `70s action star Steve McQueen, but then has to explain who he was. Yes, he sang the “Walker” theme song. No, he won’t sing again. No, he won’t do comedies.
Chuck says expanding his KICKSTART Foundation, a martial arts program for at-risk children started in Houston and Dallas, will be the “last chapter” of his career.
It’s quickly obvious that Chuck is expected to be all things to all people. He is
savvy enough to play along.
For more than an hour, he is polite and patient and forges ahead with a positive message of staying the course. He does not brush off anyone’s question. The teleconference becomes a lovefest and, really, is it any surprise? He is theirs. Chuck Norris is the star of Ian Spector’s new media phenomenon. The phenomenon is identifiable because they love him and they are young. Because they are young, we pay attention.
“How many roundhouse kicks have you done?” someone asks.
“Thousands,” he says.
“Can you roundhouse kick me through the phone right now?”
“Probably,” Chuck says. “Do you want me to? Yaaaaaahhh!!!”
CHUCK YUKS
There is no official list of the “Top 10” Chuck Norris jokes, or facts. Here are some of “Chuck’s favorites,” according to www.chucknorris.facts.com, one of the many Web sites dedicated to the legend of Chuck:
- Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming “Law & Order” are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
IN THE KNOW: The man behind the icon
- Real Name: Carlos Norris
- Age: 66 (March 10, 1940)
- Birthplace: Ryan, Okla.
- Background: Part-Cherokee, part-Irish, Norris and his brothers were raised largely by their mother in Torrance, Calif. Norris is self-described as shy and introverted. He described his father as “an alcoholic and a philanderer.”
- Martial arts: Norris first learned martial arts in Korea while in the Air Force. He is the first person from the Western Hemisphere to be awarded “Grand Master” status in tae kwon do, a break with 4,500 years of tradition. He is also a 10th-degree black belt in tang soo do, and has a black belt in Brazilian jujitsu. He has opened dozens of martial arts schools. His KICKSTART Foundation teaches martial arts to at-risk students.
- Acting: Introduced to Hollywood by student Steve McQueen, Norris quickly became a cult hero in action films then achieved mainstream success with the TV series “Walker, Texas Ranger.” It premiered in 1993 and ran for nine seasons.
- Author: In addition to scripts, he has previously written his memoirs. “The Justice Riders” is his first attempt at Western fiction.
(SOURCE: Chuck Norris, chucknorris.com, imdb.com)
| Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register. |
|
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
|  | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
| |
| |
