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Spousal spies get high-tech |
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Written by asap
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Sunday, 08 October 2006 |
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She says she was thinking about photos, that she needed to know for sure whether her husband was having an affair.
But the feds say Jeanine Pirro, a candidate for New York state attorney general, took her fishing expedition too far when she discussed a plan to put a bug on the family boat with former police commissioner Bernard Kerik. She is now under investigation by the FBI for possible violations of federal eavesdropping laws.
Pirro is far from alone in her desire to find out whether her spouse was cheating. Around 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair, according to Peggy Vaughan, author of the "The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs." In the 1960s, when laws against adultery were common, spousal spying was the No. 1 reason private investigators were hired, according to Jimmie Mesis, a private investigator and editor-in-chief of PI Magazine.
These days, thanks to technology, people are doing their own sleuthing.
Though some forms of technology — such as married but looking websites, BlackBerrys, cell phones and instant messenger programs — have made it easier to discreetly arrange trysts, other forms of surveillance have also given jilted spouses the means to become DIY investigators.
"The computer has made it much easier to prove bad conduct," says Lee Rosen, a family law specialist in Raleigh, N.C. "We used to hunt around for a credit card statement and find flowers and hotel room charges. Now we can see a whole log of instant messenger conversations and boom, There is the record of what they are up to."
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TECHNOLOGY
Suspect your spouse of cheating?
Don't confront him or her with lipstick on the collar or the smell of another woman's perfume. Even a receipt from Victoria's Secret in his wallet can be explained away.
"If you really think this person is doing this, you would want to have the evidence," says April Masini, author of the Ask April advice column, askapril.com. "You dont want to falsely accuse them. Once they know you are on to them, then it's going to be much harder to catch them."
Technology provides the means of getting proof. You can get her cell phone and see who she has called and who has called her. If it is a home phone, get two-way Caller ID. Buy key logger software so you can record her keystrokes on the computer and get her pass codes so you can access her email, phone records, credit card bills. Purchase a semen detection kit to check her underwear. Go buy one of those GPS tracking systems and mount it in the trunk.
While some of this could be considered an invasion of privacy, most people are acquiring the information to confront a spouse. Sometimes, the evidence can hold up in court and make a difference in the outcome of divorce settlements or custody battles.
Adam Schran, CEO of Ascentive, has monitoring software called BeAware, which lets someone see everything that crosses a screen, including websites and IM logs. If certain words are typed in a chat, such as "Meet me at this hotel," an email alert goes to the suspecting spouse.
"One of the new features is the relationship profile, which gives you a report on the number one person your spouse is chatting with," he says. "You can see who their buddies are online and who they are talking to the most on an instant messenger or email."
People who suspect their spouses of cheating are usually right, says Mesis. There are always some warning signs — a spouse all of sudden worrying about what he looks like, a change in sexual patterns, going away on long business trips, working late and then not answering when you call.
So why go snooping around?
"When you have a suspicion that your spouse is cheating on you, it's a terrible feeling," says Mesis. "It gnaws at you. It's almost to the point where it become obsessive compulsive."
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LEGAL BOUNDARIES
However, there are limits to the amount of snooping you can do. Recording a conversation you are not privy to is against the law, says Mesis. So is video voyeurism. (cameras hidden in the bedroom without the consent of the people, taking pictures with your cell phone camera of a woman undressing in a locker room.)
"PIs will almost every day get a phone call from someone, saying 'I want to put a bug in my wife's car. How do I do it?' he says. "We say, 'we can't even discuss that with you. It's illegal and we won't get involved in it.' But you have spouses who are flat out breaking the law. They are placing recording devices in homes and vehicles in complete violation of wiretapping laws."
Mesis says the new bug is a digital recorder, one that can record more than 250 hours. He says more consumers are purchasing them and placing them in strategic locations in their home, their spouses' car or office. Most of them don't know they are breaking the law.
"Their attitude is, 'if i put a tape recorder in my own vehicle, it's OK because it's my car,'" he says. "It will usually bite them in the butt when they use it as evidence against one spouse. The other attorney can use it against them because they violated wiretapping laws."
Still, some cheating spouses may not even know it's illegal, says Rosen. Most of the time, cheating spouses agree to a settlement to save them from embarrassment.
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Megan Scott is an asap reporter.
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