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Written by Knight Ridder
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Wednesday, 24 May 2006 |
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Taylor Hicks, a gawky, gray-haired, 29-year-old Alabaman who looks 49, who has two left feet, and who worships at the altar of the face-contorting, vocally tortured Joe Cocker, is going to join the ranks of Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia and last year’s fresh-scrubbed country darling Carrie Underwood as the next — and oldest — “American Idol” tonight.
Or will he?
Katharine McPhee, the soap opera-beautiful, privileged Los Angeles sweetheart with a vocal coach for a mother and a penchant for overblown ballads, could take the title.
Few predicted this outcome. Such is the thrill race that has become “American Idol.”
Unlike previous seasons, when it was clear who would be standing in the finals, Season Five has been notable for a surprisingly strong, character-driven group of 10 contestants, shocking upsets and an impossibly close race.
FOX, WE NEED A BIGGER STAGE
During auditions, Simon snarkily quipped to the other judges, ‘’We’re going to need a bigger stage,’’ after plus-sized singer Mandisa tried out.
That’s not the real reason “Idol’s” going to need a bigger stage next season. No, Idol needs it to contain host Ryan’s runaway ego.
Example: Simon criticizes Taylor’s manic Elvis Presley Night performance of “Jailhouse Rock.” ‘In the real world ... that was just karaoke with a capital `K.’ ‘’
Ryan pipes in, undermining Simon: ‘’Have you ever lived in the real world?’’ Simon does, after all have a driver, a mansion and other accouterments of wealth.
But in that same week, Ryan, 31, purchased Kevin Costner’s $11.5 million Hollywood Hills mansion and popped up in tabloid photos making out with “Desperate Housewives” star Teri Hatcher while on a date that smacked of orchestrated image-building on Ryan’s part.
Ryan is such an egotist, Simon told Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show” last week, ``He would marry himself and then divorce himself just so he could marry himself again.’’
BIGGEST BLUNDER
The career suicide award goes to Mandisa, who told Advocate.Com that while her religious views preclude her from ‘’hating’’ anyone, she really wouldn’t be ‘’comfortable performing before a gay audience.’’ An early favorite, Mandisa was summarily voted off, finishing in eighth place.
Doesn’t Mandisa know that an over-size, black female vocalist’s biggest fan base is gay men? Two words: Jennifer Holliday.
MAKE PLASTIC SURGERY A FELONY
Guest music coach Kenny Rogers’ face on Country Night.
BEST GUEST COACH
Say what you will about Barry Manilow’s new chart-topping CD of ‘50s covers _ it stinks _ but the genial pop singer offered astute advice to the contestants. The man who writes the songs the whole world grew sick of in the ‘70s coached like a pro by reminding singers they must understand a lyric and convey it like an actor or actress, thus prodding Kellie into a Best of Show performance on the old Patsy Cline number “Walkin’ After Midnight.” Then, Manilow flew in on his own dime to further work with the kids before Tuesday performance night.
WORST GUEST COACH
Hands down, Stevie Wonder. Please, no more Stevie Wonder Nights on “Idol.” Sure, the artist earned the ‘’genius’’ tag in the ‘70s for his string of amazing, landmark albums, but on “Idol” he was self-involved, offered little coaching, and come now, he hasn’t released anything close to great in 26 years. On elimination night, Wonder sang a forgettable song from his current CD and was so lousy had he been a contestant he would have been voted off before that annoying Chicken Little (Kevin Covais).
DON’T SPEAK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL
... of meds, Paula. Seriously, can anyone make sense of anything the over-medicated judge said this season?
STREISAND BACKLIGHTING AWARD
To the “Idol” crew behind Kellie’s Olivia Newton-John meets Lita Ford in a graveyard look for “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
HOW TO SABOTAGE SABOTAGE
To the clueless staffer who permitted Paris to sing Prince’s “Kiss” on the theme night requiring contestants to choose a song released during their birth year. Paris, 17, was born in 1988. “Kiss” hit No. 1 in 1986. She bombed and was eliminated prematurely. A raspberry rather than a kiss to “Idol” for the sabotage.
PROOF WHITE MEN CAN’T DANCE
Taylor, of course.
PROOF CHRIS WAS THE BEST
Anyone who can sing Bryan Adams’ wretched pop horror “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman” and turn it into a sexy, moving tour de force is the man.
CLEVEREST CRACK
We’re as sick of the gay jokes between Ryan and Simon as you are, but have to admit Simon’s double-entendre ‘’Get rid of the beard’’ remark used to describe Ryan’s sudden facial stubble _ more likely a reference to Ryan’s suspicious date and photo op with Teri Hatcher _ had us chuckling.
BIGGEST EXPOSURE
Denver-born Ace Young may not have measured up as a vocalist, but the pin-up received an offer from Playgirl magazine to pose nude for $100,000 after he left the show with a performance of “That’s All.” Let’s hope that’s not the public’s reaction to his pictorial should he accept Playgirl’s offer.
PAGING LIFETIME
The soapy channel could have a year’s worth of TV movies based on the lives of this season’s cast. None were more dramatic than Kellie’s poignant tale: The 19-year-old from North Carolina was raised by her grandparents after her mother abandoned her at 2 and her father bounced in and out of jail, most recently for stabbing a man. He was released as Kellie was cut from the show and the two shared a tearful reunion. Through it all, Kellie remained a beacon of good nature, charm and humility, agreeing with the judges two weeks in a row when they faulted her performances.
Fellow North Carolina native Chris is considered a ‘’knight in shining armor’’ to some women for serving as a devoted husband and father to his wife’s two children.
And Elliott triumphed over obstacles _ he’s 90 percent deaf in his right ear and has juvenile diabetes _ to become the underdog who could. Plus, who doesn’t like a nice Jewish boy who so clearly loves his adoring mother? Even Simon was smitten by Claudette Yamin.
TO THE POUND
Judge Randy Jackson. For his constant ‘’You’re in the dawg house!’’ comments when simply saying ‘’That was great!’’ would make more sense. Ten more lashes for opening every show by booing Simon. Woof!
AND THE WINNER IS ...
The winner is Taylor. He’s an amusing novelty, especially for “Idol,” and he’s considerably more interesting than erratic vocalist Katharine, who is better suited for Broadway or a role on a daytime soap than the pop charts.
But, sorry Soul Patrol. When Taylor beats Katharine, he ranks as the weakest winner since season two’s underperforming Ruben. He’s had three standout performances this season _ covers of the Doobie Brothers’ “Takin’ it to the Streets,” Stevie Wonder’s “Livin’ for the City” and Ray Lamontagne’s “Trouble” that all flirted with soul _ but vocal limitations and spastic dancing are not ingredients for a lengthy pop career.
KATHARINE McPHEE
Age: 21
Hometown: Los Angeles
Best Performance: “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” (May 2)
The scoop: The judges couldn’t say enough about this Californian’s ravishing looks, while Simon went so far as to say her uncharacteristically hushed “Over the Rainbow” ``was the single best performance of the competition to date.’’
TAYLOR HICKS
Age: 29
Hometown: Birmingham, Ala.
Best Performance: “Takin’ It to the Streets” (March 8)
The scoop: The ‘’most entertaining,’’ according to millions of fans who have kept this old-school ‘’blue-eyed soul’’ singer out of the bottom three all season. He’s the only 2006 “Idol” who can make this claim. | Only registered users can write comments.
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