Directed towards those men and women who insist they're in a good relationship but refuse to remove the blindfold to see that their ship is sinking. . .

BAAAAAAAD relationship. . .

I have the misfortune to sit in an area that has 1 person (only 1 out of 12) who has MASSIVE drama issues in her life. I've never spoken to the girl but just based on the yelling in phone conversations and the whiney voice I get to hear every afternoon around 3, I feel like I know everything about her;

1.She's in her late 40's early 50's (guys that sit around her say she's a MILF, I say she's a hag with the body of a 10 year old boy; no shape)
2.She has 4 kids. at least 1 is in high school, the other three range from 6 years old to 13. (I think one is from a different daddy.)
3.She's in the middle of a messy divorce, her soon-to-be ex husband is probably one of the weakest non-confrontational bastards I've ever heard (yes, heard. she used speakerphone once) he insists on only speaking to her on the phone.
4.She's one of the most emotionally needy people I've heard. (actual comment: "I've never been alone, I've always needed someone living in the house ever since I have had kids")

OK, that's enough about her. The point:
I've had serious conversations with these types of people. I call them "maybe when" people. It's fine while they're dating because there's no attachment yet, and either can walk away at any time. HOWEVER that's not how they view it. In the conversation I had with one of these people: "I don't know what I would do if I was alone, I need someone to be there even if it's just to tell them what to do for/with me" So they go down the path to inevitable ruin;
1.He/She doesn't take me seriously
2.I love her/him but he/she doesn't love me the same way
3.I can't stand being alone with myself I need to settle for this person
SO. . .
Maybe when we move in together it'll get better
(then it snowballs from there:)
Maybe when we start having sex it'll get better
Maybe when I convert to their religion/they convert to my religion it'll get better
(the next two can go in any order when you start whoring)
Maybe when we get married it'll get better
Maybe when we have a kid it'll get better
Maybe when I get a new job and different hours it'll get better
Maybe when we get our house it'll get better
(and then the cycle repeats:)
Maybe when we move to another (house,state,country,planet, it doesn't matter) it'll get better
Maybe when we have our (2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc) kid, it'll get better
Maybe when we have a (Boy/Girl) it'll get better

Before you know it, you have 3-4 kids, a house, and share a bed with someone you finally realize you don't care about or they don't care about you. It's at that point you either decide to divorce/separate or even worse: wait it out till you die.

At this same point you then start burdening your friends, co-workers, rec league teammates, pretty much anyone/everyone you know about the problems you're having.
MAYBE you pay a psychiatrist too much money just for them to tell you that you, they, or both have too many psychological issues to make it work. Marriage counseling is a big rip off too. It just delays the inevitable. The only way counseling or psychiatrists will work is if both people are willing to make DRASTIC changes to their personality. Guaranteed: either one or both of you is unwilling or too arrogant to do that. Besides that point, what if you like who you are and don't need to change? Separation may be the answer.
ALL of this, and I mean ALL OF IT can be avoided if you use "dating" for what it was intended for: Getting to know each other. If you're in a dating relationship (and I'm talking about DATING, not WHORING. That's right, you can't call it dating if the first thing you want to do is screw each other’s brains out.) then you'll know if your future is with this person.

"But what if he/she is cute, and I'm homely looking?" The very next question you should ask yourself is; is it worth the aggravation? am I going to wake up someday and realize I'm stuck, I feel stuck, and taking a .45 to the head sounds pleasant?

If you can't stand to be alone with yourself, how dare you expect someone else to want to be with you. Maybe you should fix your own issues before you invite someone to take your load on their shoulders.

The reverse is true too: Don't take on someone else's baggage hoping that by sharing the burden they'll change. I promise you that load of baggage will only get bigger, and you will find yourself crushed under it eventually.

"I have problems expressing myself. it's hard to say what I'm feeling"
There's nothing wrong with that, but you better not get into a relationship thinking that by "hiding a few things here and there" from the other person is going to be ok in the long-term. (and I'm not even talking about marriage.)

Bottom line: If you're single, and can't stand being single, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. Take a year, maybe 2 or even more; Get a hobby, maybe hang out with other single friends, join a rec league (hockey, baseball, football, tennis, etc.) turn down people who ask you out. SPECIFICALLY to see if you can. if you can't: YOU STILL HAVE A PROBLEM. You should be able/prepared to live your life alone. If that's impossible: YOU STILL HAVE A PROBLEM. Enjoy life with friends, family, etc. you don't need someone else to justify or define your existence. If people don't find you attractive, that's their problem. Be secure and confident enough to respect yourself. If you can't respect yourself, Dammit I'll say it again; HOW DARE you expect someone else to respect you.

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Bliss.

The only fee I charge for this information is the time it takes to read it. . .and thanks for that. if it wasn't for the internet, I'd take friday afternoons and say this stuff on a crate with a bullhorn. (I'd probably wear a tuxedo with a top hat and cane too.) "hear ye, hear ye!"

If you disagree that's your funeral, but quit bitching about it while I'm trying to work, or while I'm getting ready to play hockey. It drives me and everyone else up the fricken wall!

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