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CINDERELLA: THE REALITY SHOW |
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Written by Robbie Lynn Giles - View Profile
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Sunday, 29 October 2006 |
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When Cinderella first met the prince at the royal ball, she was rather unimpressed. He was a little arrogant and a poor dancer. He kept stepping on her already aching feet. Her gay friend, Todd, who she jokingly referred to as her Fairy Godmother, had insisted she wear these glass slippers. He said they were the hot item this season. She would have preferred to wear 5 inch stilletos. Sure, they would be uncomfortable, but she wouldn't run the risk of bleeding to death if they broke.
After another torturous turn on the dance floor, Cinderella made some excuse about having to be home at midnight or something might turn into a pumpkin. The truth was, she just wanted to soak her feet and watch Southpark. Once outside of the palace, she took off her shoes so she could run to the carriage. She dropped one of the shoes as she was running, but didn’t bother to go back to pick it up. She was never going to wear those stupid shoes again anyway.
The next day as the prince was taking a smoke break on the palace lawn, he discovered the glass slipper, and remembered it belonging to the cute chick who was so obviously playing hard to get. He could tell she was way into him. Regardless, he was concerned that she might have driven the carriage home drunk. The royal family could not afford a scandal like that. So, he decided he needed to find her to return the shoe and check on her well-being.
To protect his identity and to search all the girls in the kingdom, he posted his profile on an internet dating site. He made certain not to post a photo of him wearing his usual royal garb, so he had his manservant snap some photos of him fishing, riding his Harley, skiing, and playing with his dog. Everyday, the prince scrolled through the profiles on his search, but was having no luck finding the owner of the shoe. Little did he know, that Cinderella had also posted her profile, however, her evil stepmother denied her the use of the digital camera, so the profile lacked a photo. Like many members, the prince ignored all profiles with no photo. In his mind, no photo meant, either the woman was married or hideous, or both. So, the prince continued to hit the “not interested” button in response to the many winks and
e-mails he received, until one particular profile caught his attention. As it so happens, Cinda’s evil stepsister had posted a profile mentioning her passion for dancing and designer shoes. The picture showed a rather big boned woman with a massive wart on her hook nose. Upon reading her profile, the prince discovered that she was a former model who supposedly exercised 3-4 times a week. The prince tried to justify the inconsistency with the photo and the profile. Maybe she just wasn’t very photogenic, after all, the camera does add 10 pounds, or 50. Maybe it wasn’t a wart on her nose, but a smudge on the camera lens. Having no other options, he decided he should take a chance and meet this one.
On the day of the meeting, the prince had his portly manservant drive him in his carriage to his mystery date's house. After ringing the bell, to his delight and surprise, it was the beautiful Cinderella who answered the door. His delight lasted but a second, as Wart Nose appeared, shoved Cinda out of the way and gave the prince a big, bone-crushing hug. The prince attempted to ask Cinda if she was the owner of the glass slipper, but he was cut short as Wart Nose grabbed the size seven slipper from his hand and began shoving her doughy, crusty, size 10 foot into the shoe. Proudly, she attempted to model the shoe, but resorted to hobbling awkwardly about the room like some sort of ailing prairie chicken. As they observed this spectacle, the Prince and Cinda began laughing hysterically and when, in the midst of their laughter, their eyes met, they knew this would be the start of a beautiful friendship...hopefully with benefits. Oddly enough, the prince’s manservant, who came to help Wart Nose out of her predicament, became immediately smitten with her inner beauty. Unlike the prince, he was able to see past a few extra pounds and a mild skin condition. Long story short, they all moved to Malibu and began shooting a reality show called "Happily Ever After."
Moral to the story (pick one)
1) First impressions aren’t always accurate. Sometimes it's good to give someone another look.
2) Be open to all possibilities. Serendipity is oftentimes, intention unmasked.
3) Bad photos are better than none at all.
4) Every woman should have a gay friend.
5) Size does matter. (I’m talking shoe size.) | Only registered users can write comments.
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All Growed Up (24)
writen by: Is Everybody In?
Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. |
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
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I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
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| | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
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