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Written by asap   
Friday, 03 November 2006

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What plays well for your fingers simply doesn't play well in theaters.

Quality movies based on video games are a rare breed; they're most often ruined by hack directors (Uwe Boll) or lack of plot ("Doom," the second "Resident Evil" flick).

Despite involvement from geek flick guru Peter Jackson, studios backed out at the last minute from the most hyped upcoming prospect, "Halo." Beyond the Paul W.S. Anderson-directed "Castlevania," just announced by Rogue Pictures with a $50 million budget, what's next?

Below, asap provides a guide to Hollywood honchos looking to score the next big video game movie, with a list of five games that get our greenlight, and five to avoid, no matter how tempting they may seem.

___

GREENLIGHT

"Legend of Zelda"

This series is the stuff of legends in the game world, and the possibilities for filmic inspiration are endless. There's time travel ("Ocarina of Time"), high-seas adventure ("Wind Waker") and old-fashioned, grind-it-out, rescue-the-princess action (most games). As Link, we suggest Tom Cruise circa "Legend" or perhaps young actor Trevor Morgan. Dennis Hopper plays Ganon. Our dream Princess Zelda: Natalie Portman.

"Metal Gear"

Betrayal, political manipulation, nuclear war. Hideo Kojima's series is filled with big ideas and fascinating characters. Fantastical weapons blend with Cold War mythology and the always-twisty FOXHOUND bureaucracy. We like Viggo Mortensen as Solid Snake, a flashy Clive Owen as Ocelot and Monica Bellucci as femme fatale Gray Fox.

"Splinter Cell"

With less epic proportions, the Tom Clancy-approved games could work on a lower budget and with a real-world, "Bourne"-style spin. Sam Fisher's lonesome pursuit of WMDs -- and terror group infiltration in the upcoming "Double Agent" -- makes for an easy but fun B-movie plotline. As Fisher, a Colin Farrell or "Bond"-era Pierce Brosnan type.

"God of War"

The tortured anti-hero Kratos, victim of his own ambition, is the natural centerpiece for an effects-heavy fantasy that could delve even more deeply into the Greek mythology underlying the game. Or veer towards the darker themes and make it a blood-spattered horror film. Just make sure there's a Cyclops or two. Robert Rodriguez directing Tahmoh Penikett of "Battlestar Galactica."

"Sonic the Hedgehog"

Our dark horse, er, hedgehog. So silly it just might work as a feature-length 3-D cartoon, perhaps even on IMAX. We're leaning toward a CGI extravaganza with lots of running sequences, a plot hinging on Dr. Eggman kidnapping Tails, and a bit of an origin story: How'd Sonic grow from ordinary hedgehog to super-fast hedgehog? Brad Bird directs.

___

REDLIGHT

"Okami"

This beautiful new PlayStation 2 game is being praised for the integration of art into gameplay and its use of a wolf deity as main character. Could be adapted to a rotoscoped kids movie, but we say no. Let them have the new "Lassie" flick, and leave Amaterasu alone.

"World of Warcraft"

Sure, the 7 million-plus subscribers are the epitome of a built-in audience. But we beg of you, Hollywood: resist the temptation. Let players, and the whizzes at Blizzard, control the destiny of Azeroth and those back-stabbing Rogues. One possible exception: an origins-exploring prequel.

"Rayman"

He's cute, charming, hip even. His smooth moves would be a pleasure to animate. There's just no there there. Everything's a bit too silly and simplistic.

"Madden"

It's a sports title, so it seems impossible. But the studios have made ludicrous decisions before (see "Double Dragon" and "Street Fighter" ... wait, don't), and some exec out there is probably drooling over the prospect of cashing in on the most establish brand in sports gaming.

"Crazy Taxi"

The atrocious Queen Latifah-Jimmy Fallon movie "Taxi" probably killed all prospects for upcoming taxi-related flicks and was essentially a cousin to this wacky race game anyways. Don't do it again.

___

asap staff reporter Ryan Pearson also doesn't want a "Grand Theft Auto" game.

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