Thanksgiving is here. Don't get me started.

I can endure the crazy family gatherings, watching the pathetic Detroit Lions every year — even the massive cleanup. But please, stop serving me turkey. All the gravy and cranberry sauce in the world can't mask the fact that turkey is a bland bird.

How many meals have you been to where everyone fights over the dark meat because the white meat on the platter looks like a pile of balsa wood? Even my aunt, who can work magic in the kitchen, never made a memorable turkey.

"You, particularly, have been subjected to some really bad turkey growing up," says my wife Izabela.

And get this injustice: According to the book, "The Turkey: An American Story," by Andrew F. Smith, turkey didn't even become a mainstay on the Thanksgiving menu until the late 19th Century when a Boston newspaper encouraged readers to make it the centerpiece.

Why couldn't the Continental Journal have called for roast pig or lobster tails?

I can go on and on, but what purpose would that serve? Come Thursday, when you sit down to dinner you know exactly what you'll be eating.

All is not futile. There are things you can do to improve the turkey.

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BUYING A BIRD

Pound for pound, turkey is the cheapest meat out there, Smith says. But he adds, "The turkey — at least the modern commercial turkey is relatively bland and that's because most Americans don't like a gamey taste."

The most popular supermarket turkey is the Butterball, a broad-breasted white with basically no flavor. The broad-breasted white, introduced in the 1940s, was bred for commercial production and is big and meaty and young. If you're determined to find a turkey with some flavor, though, look to organic products that are raised on grass and corn instead of the industrial feed that contains all sorts of chemicals and animal byproducts.

Elizabeth Karmel of Grill Friends loves the Plainville Farms turkey. We've had Bell and Evans, and Murray's. Heritage turkeys, such as the bronze broad-breasted or the bourbon red have been making a comeback. These breeds were popular in the 19th and 20th centuries, according to Smith. Finally, there's the wild turkey. In addition to being gamey, the meat is often very tough because they are usually much older than a commercially raised broad-breasted white.

One negative with the heritage and wild turkeys is that the legs are often smaller. So leg fans should consider buying extra drumsticks.

In terms of expense, the difference is huge. While a Butterball is $1.29 per pound at our local supermarket, a Plainville is $2.29 per pound at freshdirect.com, and a Murray's is $69, plus $15 shipping for a 14- to 16-pound turkey on their Web site. An eight- to 10-pound heritage turkey at heritagefoodsusa.com USA costs $119, including shipping. The wild turkeys will run you $8.90 a pound at exoticmeats.com.

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COOKING METHODS

We've tried just about everything to make a juicy turkey: cheese cloth, brining, stuffing the cavity and not stuffing the cavity, putting bits of butter under the skin. They all have their pluses and minuses, but generally make a juicy product. (I'd like to try a deep-fried turkey, but I find little appeal in gallons of boiling oil.)

"I like to place herbs under the skin in pretty patterns, not just stuffed under," Izabela says. "But I like thanksgiving for the trimmings, not the turkey."

Brining, a method of soaking the turkey in a salt solution, adds moisture and flavor throughout the bird as opposed to basting, which just seeps into the top. Karmel's basic brine calls for one cup salt, one cup sugar (honey, maple syrup or brown sugar) and 8 quarts water. You can add all sorts of seasoning and flavors to the solution.

The main negative to brining is that it requires a lot of space in your refrigerator to let the turkey rest in the solution overnight. Karmel sells a brine bag that holds a 20 pound turkey and is a space saver.

Also, if you're brining and intend to stuff the turkey, remember to cut the amount of salt you use in the stuffing because the turkey juices are going to be salty from the brine.

But many experts agree that it's not the technique that matters, it's the oven time that is most influential.

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OVEN TIME

Most people overcook a turkey because the USDA recommends cooking the bird to a minimum 165-degree internal temperature, when white is safely done at 160 degrees (the temperature salmonella and other bacteria dies). Dark meat is done at 175 degrees.

Cooking a turkey in a 325-degree oven takes about 15 to 20 minutes per pound. Heritage and wild turkeys, which are leaner, should take closer to 15 minutes a pound. Every 20 minutes or so, no matter the breed, baste the turkey with the juices from the pan.

Izabela likes to put the turkey in a hot oven (450-475 degrees) for 15 minutes first to help brown the skin. The cookbook "Kitchen Sense: More than 600 Recipes to Make You a Great Home Cook," suggests cranking up the oven at the end for 10 minutes.

When you approach the estimated cooking time use an instant-read thermometer inserted in the breast near the leg, without touching bone. At 150 degrees remove the turkey and loosely cover with aluminum foil until the temperature climbs to 160 degrees, about 30 minutes. If the legs aren't up to 175 degrees you should cut them off the turkey and put them back in the oven. Pricking the thigh with a fork will also let you know when it's ready: If the juices run clear it's done.

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Kitchen Idiot Howie Rumberg is an asap reporter based in New York. You can e-mail him at This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it

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