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Singles dating trap No. 1: The scarcity trap |
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Written by Jeff Herring, KRT
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Monday, 03 July 2006 |
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Many times we fall into the trap of believing there are only a very limited supply of possible partners. Then when you do the math on this, the natural conclusion is that you had better take what you can get.
Taking what you can get can get you into lots of trouble. One of the results of taking what you can get is relationship failure because the two of you were not compatible to begin with, knew it, and got together anyway, hoping things would get better.
This is a compromise for the worst. It is also a self-fulfilling prophecy because you get less because you expect less.
SIGNS OF THE SCARCITY TRAP
- Committing to the first person that shows you any attention.
- Knowing something is wrong but doing all you can to deny it to yourself.
- Ignoring friends who care about you that ask you "what the heck are you doing?"
- Believing both time and material are running out.
Solution: Define and be clear on your first choice of what you really want and persevere. Believe that you get to be the chooser. Trust that if you apply yourself you can get what you really want in your life.
You must be able to say "No" to what you DON'T want, to be available to say "Yes" to what you DO want.
If you cannot say no, then your yes has no meaning. You have the power to choose who, what, where, when and how, and can get what you really want if you make effective choices aligned with your needs and requirements in a relationship.
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