|
|
|
Written by McClatchy-Tribune
|
|
Wednesday, 12 July 2006 |
|
|
|
|
When did rednecks get their own shelf at the bookstore?
If redneck lit were limited solely to Mr. You-Might-Be-a-Redneck himself, Jeff Foxworthy, it would be containable.
But the last year has given us slickly marketed hardcover books by Foxworthy’s partners on the Blue Collar comedy front. For your edification, here are some high points from the current crop of redneck lit:
“I Had the Right to Remain Silent... But I Didn’t Have the Ability”
by Ron “Tater Salad” White
Though White’s book is sporadically funny, the running confessional about the tacky sexual adventures of a guy who is often drunk and more often gross gets real old, real fast.
Target group:
1. Guys who think it’s funny that White claims his first wife was too stupid to let the dog outside to poop.
2. Guys who think drunken/drugged adventures are a riot. After he dropped acid before a show, White’s drunken friends want him to calm down and go to bed: “They’re giving me Quaaludes and Valium and Xanax, and nothing’s having any effect, I’m still behaving like an ape.”
Later he passes out on an Atlanta train, wakes up at 2:30 in the afternoon and wonders, “Am I on an airplane?”
Redeeming moment: Revealing that he is now stinking rich, White and his landscaper have a disagreement about whether two of his newly landscaped trees are in fact dead.
“He goes over to one of the trees, and he scratches the trunk of it with his thumb. And then he comes back over to me and says this, and I quote, `The core of this tree is still alive.’”
“I said, `Let me tell you what I’m lookin’ for in a f----- tree.’ ... I don’t want to tell everybody that comes over to the house, `Those two trees are fine. If you go scratch the trunk with your thumbnail, you will find a vibrant core.”
“White Trash Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Upscale Trailer Park Manners”
by “Dr. Verne Edstrom, Esq.”
Broadway, $9.95
Target group:
1. Those who need a last-minute gag gift for wedding showers
2. Bathroom library enthusiasts. Sample text: Math instruction:
— Babies needed to discourage your in-laws from thinking you’re a lesbian: 6
— Legs you have left after passing out on train tracks: 0
— Average times it takes to pass the driver’s license test: 7
— Dollars you’ll get from a pawnshop for a stolen circular saw: 10
— Extramarital affairs for the average White Trash woman: 17
— Extramarital affairs for the average White Trash man: 62
— Times you’ve spiked your husband’s Old Style with Liquid-Plumr because of that last statistic: 9
Redeeming moment: Is the author a real writer slumming his way to a few bucks? Looks like it:
“See, women is prone to thinking about them fineries on occasion. Which means that one day she’s gonna up and announce that she wants you to take her someplace classy. And that means the two most dreaded words in the White Trash language is gonna come outta her lips: 'art museum.’”
“Git-R-Done”
by Larry the Cable Guy
Crown, $23.95 hardcover
This one includes an introduction by acerbic — and literate — comedian Lewis Black, so you can conclude that the Blue Collar comedy guys now fancy themselves the equivalent of the Rat Pack of the new millennium.
Target group: A step down from Tater Salad’s brand of bohemian self-mocking, apparently. (Not that I would suggest that these folks are not the paragons of deadbeat sensibility they portray, but Larry the Cable Guy’s Web site links to his personal trainer.)
Book description: “`Git-R-Done’ is chock-full of fart jokes and straight talk about America,” says the jacket. It promises biting humor about Janet Reno, Rosie O’Donnell and his fat sister, but delivers it insulting jokes about a whole lot more.
Redeeming moment: "An alleged quote from Cable Guy’s mom: 'There’s really not much I can say here except for I apologize to everyone ahead of time for the crap you are about to read.’"
He's Fox-worthy
The complete literary oeuvre of Mr. You-Might-Be-a-Redneck, Jeff Foxworthy, who might rival Charles Dickens for productivity under pressure:
• “Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck Dictionary: Words You Thought You Knew the Meaning Of’’
• “The Redneck Grill: The Most Fun You Can Have with Fire, Charcoal, and a Dead Animal’’
• “Red Is the Color of My True Love’s Neck’’
• “You Might Be a Redneck If .... This Is the Biggest Book You’ve Ever Read’’
• “Extreme Mobile Home Makeover’’
• “There’s no Place Like (a Mobile) Home for the Holidays’’
• “The Redneck Grill’’
• “You Might Be a Redneck If ...’’ (multiple versions)
• “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem’’
• “The Final Helping’’
• “Games Rednecks Play’’
• “Check Your Neck’’
• “The Foxworthy Down-Home Cookbook’’
• “Hick Is Chic’’
• “Red Ain’t Dead’’
• “Redneck Classic’’
• “Those People’’
• “You’re Not a Kid Anymore When ...’’ | Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register. |
|
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
|  | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
| |
|  | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
|
|
