"Mean Girls" -- or chick haters? (AP Photo/ HO/Paramount/Michael Gibson)

Bette Davis never skimped on the disdain for other women. (AP Photo)

Don't cross Joan Crawford. (AP Photo)

There. I said it. And it's not like I'm alone.

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I HATE YOU

When I first started pondering the meaning of "chick hater," it occurred to me that while most women may not fit the textbook definition — feeling threatened or simply flat-out hating another woman based on her beauty, career or relationships — we may be engaging in something that is just as insidious: chick hating-lite.

"I don't think there's anyone out there who hasn't had a negative feeling about another woman," says Elizabeth McDaniel, a therapist in New York. "You'd be lying to yourself if you didn't acknowledge that."

When I ask McDaniel about my chick-hating episodes (yes, there have been several), she tells me that, for some women, self-doubt can translate to self-hate — that women manifest their insecurities into anger toward other females. When I prod her further, she suspects that, despite my insecurities, the fact that I know who I am and who my friends are may make me a chick hater with half the calories than a regular one.

As I would soon discover, this is all only part of a larger problem among us sisters.

"Women don't have real authority to direct their anger against men," McDaniel tells me. "Directing our anger against other women undercuts our power — we aren't cohesive."

I sent out a mass e-survey to every woman in my address book, hoping for feedback. I was surprised when no one responded to my questions — unless you count one very stern e-mail, which read: "Kathy, I am not a chick hater."

I was floored. I hadn't accused anyone of chick hating. Could this topic really be that sensitive to my friends, all of whom I consider to be the crème de la crème of the female species? Perhaps my initial e-mail wasn't clear. Take two. In a second round of e-mails, I emphasized that I was not accusing anyone of chick hating; I was just looking for help from the women I loved and admired most.

Then, for good measure, I begged.

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INSTANT DISLIKE

"I hated her before I even said hello," said Kris Dugan, a writer friend in Phoenix, Ariz., and a self-proclaimed "reformed chick hater."

"We were forced to work side by side, and she started talking to me before I knew it," Dugan says. "She was the most hilarious chick I ever met who had brains and wasn't afraid to use (them)."

Dugan used to dabble in the dark art of chick hating because she was envious of women who got the guy or the gig on looks alone. "Women who are physically attractive get ahead in life without working for it," she grouses.

Yet despite her feelings toward women who work it to get what they want, Dugan is grateful for the lesson she learned: The hated chick has become a close friend. "Thank God I gave her a chance, or I wouldn't have known how cool my arch-enemy was."

Robin Volz, a student in San Diego, Calif., unrepentantly admits her chick-hating proclivities.

"I'm particularly bad when I'm with my man," she says, "but even when I walk on campus alone, I'm checking out other women: `Oh, she has a nicer butt.' `She has a prettier smile.' `I'm not nearly as smart as she is.' `Why is she so much more successful than I am?' ... These women, at least in my mind, are in competition for the attention of men, jobs and friends."

I started to secretly wonder: Do my pals judge me before signing on to be my friend?

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IT'S ABOUT POWER

So what gives? Why are so many women essentially anti-woman?

As I thought about it more, I began to think about women who have clashed with other women over what essentially boils down to power — who is in control of the situation.

Think Elizabeth Taylor and Debbie Reynolds. Princess Diana and Camilla Parker Bowles. Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. And my personal favorite, Cinderella and her wicked stepmother?

"Psychically, it's clearly insecurity," McDaniel says. "This culture doesn't want women to be empowered. ... By creating conflict between women, you certainly keep them in their place. If you fight amongst yourselves, if you are so broken up and can't unite, you're certainly not going to be able to pose any threat to the majority."

Translation: We live in a world still very much dominated by men, and society praises women who can't sustain relationships with other women. And one needs only to walk past a newsstand to see exactly what McDaniel means.

Everywhere we look, there are the big, bold cover lines on celebrity magazines: "Angelina vs. Jen." "Paris vs. Nicole." Rarely do we hear about the men fighting it out — I certainly don't recall seeing Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn grace the cover of a weekly with a headline that read, "Brad vs. Vince: it's on!" Apparently, two dudes fighting it out simply isn't as hot as A-list chick haters.

Of course, it's easy to point the finger at the men. But women participate, too: They buy the magazines, dish about the stories, participate in the scurrilousness.

So much for sisterhood.

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TOUGH QUESTIONS

Think back to those celebrity magazines, which, not incidentally, are targeted to women.

Readers happily shell out $1.99 each week to read about why it's Jennifer Aniston's fault that her husband left or why Angelina Jolie is a maneater.

We also glorify women and young girls based solely on their weight. Nicole Richie was Paris Hilton's fat, funny sidekick until she began looking like a skeleton wearing Prada. Then not only did she find fame and fortune, she won a Jimmy Choo modeling contract.

Still, to know exactly what we women want in our weekly celebration of chick hate take, it must take one to know one. That's why, in many cases, the content within the pages of these publications is controlled by none other than ... you guessed it. Women.

Ultimately, chick hating is a reflection of our own insecurities. McDaniel believes women are strong enough to transcend it. But we must be prepared to ask ourselves: "What do we dislike about ourselves that causes us to feel a certain way about another human being?"

As for me, I'll probably still look at a woman's butt and thighs and feel some envy if her assets outshine mine. But I'm ready to examine why another woman has the power to make me feel a certain way. And I'm prepared to take the first steps to admiring her beauty instead of coveting it.

I may be a chick hater, but at least I know I have a problem.

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asap contributor Kathy Ritchie is a freelance writer in New York City (and a former editor at a celebrity magazine).

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