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When ’fancy’ is a synonym for stupid |
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Written by asap
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Monday, 17 July 2006 |
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NEW YORK — Saving the world one hermetically sealed ice cube at a time.
Poker facing my way through silly, disturbing or otherwise stupid PR pitches usually is pretty easy. But “ICEROCKS” -- to which I was exposed during last week’s Fancy Food Show -- frankly deserved a smirk.
Did you know millions of people die from contaminated water every year? Or that the ice added to drinks at many of the world’s tourist destinations often contains fecal matter or E. coli bacteria?
Well, thank goodness for the good folks at Water Bank of America, the Miami company behind the scare tactics and ICEROCKS -- tiny disposable plastic containers filled with spring water and sealed shut.
The theory is that protecting yourself from unsavory ice is as simple as tossing a few ICEROCKS in the freezer, then peeling the containers open and popping the resulting ice cubes in your drink as needed.
My favorite part of the package is where it says, “Ready to Freeze.” Find me water that isn’t.
Here’s what I don’t get. Let’s say I’m at one of the disease-ridden tourist spots the ICEROCKS people talk about. And let’s say I happen to have a package of their “ready to freeze” cubes with me. Now what?
If I freeze them at my hotel room, how do I get them to the restaurant before they revert to being ready to freeze?
The ICEROCKS guy conceded the problem, but said restaurants could offer them so you can drink with confidence. He also said consumers could use them at home to enjoy ice “uncontaminated by human contact.”
I’m not sure what this guy’s family does to his ice, but I’m willing to live with that risk.
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SEXY SALSA?
Elsewhere at the show, I discovered that nothing says good salsa like a T&A magazine.
Not far from the booth pushing organic cotton candy, Maxim magazine (whose Web site subtly hints -- GIRLS SEX SPORTS) was pimping two of its soon-to-hit-the-market food products.
“Try it. I know you’ll like it,” a suave Maxim rep urged.
I reached over the stack of busty magazines for a drop of “Meat Spackle,” which I assumed was a barbecue sauce. Not bad. Ditto for “Pyro’s Pleasure,” a tasty salsa that could have been chunkier.
So you’re targeting the dude food demographic, right? No, he said. Women, too. Many women read Maxim. The food line will have the same broad appeal as the magazine.
Um... Right. I wonder how many women clamor to read “Sexy underwear model Giannina Opitz reveals her biggest turn-on: booze!” (from the current issue).
Yet, what clever marketing. Suggest that women love reading articles such as “For a superslick pool party, mix these ingredients, then add water and uninhibited women” (also from the current issue). Sort of feeds right into that whole lesbian fantasy thing so many guys have, doesn’t it? Bet that sells some salsa.
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OF FIGS, CHOCOLATE AND TUNA
Speaking of sex, I noticed figs (long considered a symbol of all sorts of erotic things) everywhere and in everything. One co-worker noted, “Figs are set to become the new pomegranate.”
Fig almond cakes (dried figs and almonds pureed, then pressed into large patties -- delicious) were everywhere. As were fig balsamic sauces, fig marinades, fig cheese sauces, fig chutney and fig facials.
Embedded chocolate also was big. This is where chocolatiers shove odd things into chocolate bars. As in, flowers and smoked sea salt and cumin. I can roll with the chipotle, but please get the lavender our of my candy.
One pleasant surprise at the show was a quiet little booth at the back of the auditorium, where the folks from McKinleyville, Calif.-based Wild Planet were pitching cans of low-mercury tuna.
The trick is the company uses only young fish (the youngest go into their “minimal mercury” tuna, the slightly older go into their “low mercury” line), which haven’t had time to accumulate as much of the toxin as older fish.
This is a cool -- and long overdue -- concept. Now if only they had some bikini-clad babes to pitch it.
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asap columnist J.M. Hirsch covers food, diet and nutrition for the AP. E-mail him at jhirschap.org.
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