|
Staying vigilant concerning aggressive people |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Written by McClatchy-Tribune News Service
|
|
Tuesday, 25 July 2006 |
|
|
|
|
Have you ever spent an afternoon seething over a nasty remark someone made to you?
Or, have you ever felt physically threatened by someone?
Dealing with aggressive people can sap our energies. After all, there are always a few aggressive people around every corner.
It can be difficult, even dangerous, to fight back. Staying aware and moving yourself out of harm's way is often the better choice.
A friend of ours, whom we'll call Peggy, recently went shopping in a large mall near Charlotte, N.C.
"I swear, there was a mean woman there who deliberately hit me with her shopping cart!" says Peggy.
"I had never experienced anything like this in my life," she goes on to say.
Peggy says a group of people surrounding this woman all seemed evil.
"They glared at me aggressively and tried to physically push me around!" Peggy wailed to us. "What's worse, they forced their way past my 8-year-old niece, when she tried to enter the dressing room in a clothing store!"
While we Americans worry about terrorists, there are aggressive people already in our society who could be labeled terrorists.
Rather than deal with them head-on, however, it's best to avoid them at all costs.
First of all, people who are aggressive enough to physically charge at other people should be labeled "mentally ill."
After all, normal people do not desire to hurt other people.
With any bully, you really only have two choices. The first one is to shove back. And, at times, this can be very necessary.
The second choice is to avoid the bully and take another route, if at all possible.
If you can view blatantly aggressive people as mentally ill, you know that moving out of their path and focusing on other things is the best way to go.
"I used to stop at a car repair place where an aggressive man spent a lot of free time," says a man we'll call Larry. "I started dreaming about how to take this guy down a notch."
Larry finally did wind up in a fight. The aggressive man broke three of Larry's ribs. Later, this man was diagnosed as bipolar. He was placed in a mental health ward at his local hospital.
"I don't know why I took this man so seriously," says Larry. "Any fool could tell he didn't have all of his marbles. Why I got drawn into a fight with him, I'll never know. I could easily have gotten myself killed."
If you really can't avoid people with unusually threatening behaviors, think smart. Always have another person with you when dealing with such aggression. If possible, enlist an authority figure such as a security guard to accompany you if you must associate with an aggressive person.
Mental illness in our country is on the rise. Stressed-out people who aren't thinking rationally are working in many settings. There are aggressive types working in schools and hospitals. They are definitely out in shopping malls and restaurants.
While panic isn't necessary, awareness is. By learning to pay attention to your surroundings and read aggressive body language in others, you can quickly side-step a threatening situation and move on.
If you absolutely can't avoid a person who seems threatening, try these behaviors to cope:
- Make eye contact. This helps you "own" your space and send the signal that you aren't afraid.
- Talk boldly if you feel threatened. Voice a boundary, while using some measure of politeness to keep things toned down. For example, if an aggressive person shoves into your personal space, say, "Excuse me!" or "I need you to move back, please!"
- Move into a crowd to escape. For example, if you sense a mentally ill person is noticing you, try to quickly hide among a group of people. Don't think you're being cowardly. You're just removing yourself as a target.
Paul, a psychologist friend of ours, says that mentally ill and very aggressive people can associate an innocent bystander with someone from their past.
"A mentally ill man, for example, might see a woman with long hair who reminds him of a past girlfriend or his mother," says Paul.
"The woman doesn't need to show sympathy or try to understand it. She should just quickly escape his attention if possible."
Paul says he has dealt with many clients who've been psychologically injured in relationships by an aggressive person. In all of these cases, says Paul, his clients wound up getting physically injured as well.
"We live in a world where we are sometimes encouraged to keep forgiving hurtful people," he continues. "This denial is dangerous to you."
"It's okay to distance yourself from aggressive people. We all need to stay vigilant as to how others make us feel. If you feel that certain people you know are mentally ill, they probably are. Trust your gut, and distance yourself from them. Don't keep hoping they'll change," Paul insists. "They won't."
___
(Judi Hopson and Emma Hopson are authors of a stress management book for paramedics, firefighters and police, "Burnout To Balance: EMS Stress," published by Prentice Hall/Brady Books. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist. Write to them in care of McClatchy-Tribune News Service, 700 12th St. N.W. Suite 1000, Washington DC 20005; please enclose a copy of the column and the name of the newspaper you saw it in. You can also contact the authors through the Web site www.hopsonglobal.com, where readers may access Judi Light Hopson's online stress management course for health care workers.)
| Only registered users can write comments.
Please login or register. |
|
|  | "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only truth." | |
|  | We're not that bright, even though in our own little world, we're geniuses. We like 80s hair bands and one-hit wonders, but among us we have respectable tastes, too. Metallica, Iron Maiden, U2. Pursuit of all things trivial is a lifestyle, not just a game. We like some sports, love other sports, and can find something to say about anything. We watch TV and movies and we've read a book or two, even a few classics (Yes, Classic Comics count!)
We call it insight, you call it what you will. | |
|  | Felix Wong is an outdoor enthusiast living in Fort Collins. A mechanical engineer by day, he is especially passionate about bicycling, running, and backpacking. | |
|  | Hola Amigos! I'm Sandra. I like to believe that people are 70 percent good and 30 percent dumb. I'm stickin to that story. Reading this blog might make you want to be good, but probably just dumb. | |
|  | Donovan Henderson is editor of NEXTnc. | |
|  | Here at Nextnc we have some characters. Get a sneak peak behind the curtain and find out what amusing antics our staffers get themselves into on a weekly basis. | |
|  | What is up FoCo?
I am a recent college graduate of Minnesota State University Moorhead. After recieving my B.A. in English and Mass Communications this past August I moved down to Colorado.
I enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, and heavy metal. My hobbies include reading and writing, music, movies, and getting drunk. Some of my favorite contemporary authors include Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, and Kurt Vonnegut. My top movies are anything directed by Kubrick. I enjoy listening to anything that rocks.
Right now I am just trying to get to know Colorado and FoCo better. Mostly in order to find the best drink specials on each day that ends in Y. So if you know where I can get a cheap drunk on, let me know!
--Drew | |
|  | Life's little morsels of inspiration, observation and encouragement seen through the eyes of the Nextnc reporter.
| |
|  | Ms. Giles currently lives in Colorado where she stars in her own private reality show. She writes aphoristic accounts of her life, taken completely out of context, and embellished with characters and situations disguised to resemble something close to interesting. | |
|  | over and out | |
| | My name is Michelle Turley and I'm 28 years old. I live in Severance with my hubbie, Brandon. We have 2 dogs and a cat. We enjoy camping, four-wheeling, and just being in the mountains. I like to cook, clean (go figure), flea market, and play poker. I have so much to say about poker... | |
|
|
|
|
| |
